Today's Video 8/31/07 - GWAR vs. Joan Rivers

I know I said we would do music videos this week, but this is close enough and I can't sit on it any longer. This is for a certainty one of the most bizarre things I've ever seen. It's like a Saturday Night Live sketch, except it's actually funny.I love how completely out of touch with reality Joan Rivers is in this interview. To her credit, she's a good sport!

Today's Video 8/30/07 - Go Baby Go

One of the best bands evar, Garbage, put out a greatest hits CD and DVD a few weeks back. Does this spell the end for the band??? Unfortunately, while no one will say for sure, it really seems like it. I didn't get the CD (because I already have all their albums), but the DVD is pretty great. It has a very interesting documentary as well. Check it out! Here's a fun video with some good special effects, it's for the song Cherry Lips. It is crazy.

Today's Video 8/29/07 - The Safety Dance

You can dance if you want to.Spot the obscure DEVO reference and win a free t-shirt!

BnL Brands North

In an interesting turn of events, megaconglomerate Buy n Large has submitted a claim to the World Direction Consortium to change the name of the compass direction "North" to "BnL North". This will apply to all usages of the word in a directional capacity. Pretty crazy!

Learn more about this, and explore BnL's very interesting website, at http://buynlarge.com.

(Sadly, history will look back on this website and not find it a big deal, just oddly prescient.)

Today's Video 8/28/07 - Rabbit In Your Headlight

Apart from having Radiohead's Thom Yorke on guest vocals, this video features a guy who stole Han Solo's parka from The Empire Strikes Back. They don't make videos like this anymore.

Today's Video 8/27/07 - Shoes

Let's do some cool music videos this week, shall we?

Firstly, Shoes.
Also, there is a robot! Wow!

TRAILER - Mr. Bean's Holiday

Here's a new slice of fried gold from Rowan Atkinson.It's been out for quite a while in the UK, but releases TODAY in the US!

Jacques Tati's Monsieur Hulot was a great influence on the creation of the Mr. Bean character, and surely it's no coincidence that there was a film released in 1953 called Les Vacances de Monsieur Hulot (Mr. Hulot's Holiday). Tati emphasized a more random situational humor rather than just the bumblings of his Hulot character, though.I'm not sure all of this stuff works today, what with everybody having ADD and all, but it's pretty amusing.

TRAILERS - Return of the Western?

Westerns are kind of a tough sell these days. Name all the really good westerns that have come out in the last, say 20 years. The Proposition. Tombstone. Young Guns, maybe? Unforgiven, though I know more people that hated that one than liked it. But now we have two(!) new westerns to look forward to. 3:10 To Yuma, starring Russell Crowe, Christian Bale, and Peter Fonda:and the extremely long-titled The Assassination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford, with Brad Pitt and Casey Affleck:Certainly, 3:10 To Yuma looks like the more action-packed of the two, but I think both of them look pretty good. I'm going to give the edge to Jesse James, though, just because Zooey Deschanel is in it.

Westerns are a genre that remains underutilized in modern cinema; maybe we can take half the science fiction films that get made these days and make westerns instead? That might work. I just hope that if westerns catch on again we won't be innundated with them, Hollywood overkill is just the worst thing.

Today's Video 8/24/07 - Wii Fit

Personally, I haven't graduated from my Atari 2600 (I had an 8-bit NES for a while, but I quickly went back to the old 2600), but kids today have all kinds of video game systems to choose from. Mostly, I think people like the PS3, but I know a lot of people like the Wii now due to its inventive interactivity. I tried the bowling game once, and it was pretty neat. I thought about getting one, but who has the time?

Apparently, there's this new game on the way called Wii Fit, which is ostensibly made to prevent childhood obesity among gamers as well as open up a new market for upwardly-mobile adults who don't want to go to the gym for step class anymore because that ignorant slut Rhonda keeps stealing everyone's towels in the locker room. But this video shows exactly how the Wii Fit really works. It's pretty interesting. And more than a bit sarcastic.Everybody talks about how kids don't go outside, they just play video games and get fat, but the kids on my parents' street are always clogging the middle of the road on their stupid bicycles, so maybe they didn't get the memo.

Props to Jman for the video.

REVIEW - Enterprise

I've never been a huge Star Trek fan, though I liked The Next Generation quite a bit. I think I gave up on the franchise entirely when I saw the pilot episode of Voyager, and realized just how far off the rails they'd gone. I mean, Deep Space Nine had just taken a deep and somewhat engaging dump all over Gene Roddenberry's utopia, and then they gave us a show about a bunch of people nobody cares about. The ship wasn't even called Enterprise, how is that Star Trek? I did like the holographic doctor, though, but mostly because Robert Picardo is one of the great character actors of our time.

So anyway, the UPN network (if it could have indeed been called a "network") wanted a new Trek show to replace Voyager after its improbable 7 season run, but Ultimate Trek Hacks Rick Berman and Brannon "I Killed Kirk, Sue Me" Braga were fresh out of ideas and realized that the only direction left is backwards. So they put out this show called Enterprise, which shows us that before Captain Kirk there was another ship called Enterprise and that people still wore ties in the 22nd century.

Basically, my friend Jman, who is a big ol' Trekkie, dared me to watch this show and so I did. I watched every single episode.

This was unbelieveably difficult.

Enterprise starred Scott Bakula, a likeable actor who was presumably cast because he has a sizeable SF fan following due to his work on Quantum Leap, and also because he's probably second only to Harrison Ford in his ability to convincingly get the tar beat out of him. This is a legitimate acting skill. Selling fake punches from stuntmen ain't easy, folks. He played Captain Archer, an eminently likeable guy who had an awesome dog, a beagle saddled with the unlikely name of Porthos.

Also, because Voyager was only able to last seven seasons because they found the hottest Borg chick ever and put her in a leotard, Enterprise has T'Pol, an ice-queen Vulcan chick who was there mostly to keep the geeks glued to their sets every week in the hopes that MAYBE THIS WEEK she'll hit pon farr.

If you know what pon farr is without clicking here, you have my sympathies you poor, poor geeky person.

Also, there was this guy named Trip Tucker who was Enterprise's engineer, but also the first officer. He was from like Florida or something, and he annoyed the heck out of me because he was like the nicest guy ever, except for the fact that the Prime Directive was probably written as a memo specifically to him. Also, they had the British guy from those hair product commercials as a weapons expert, an Asian chick to help the computer translate all those new alien languages they'd be meeting up with, and some helmsman guy that in four seasons never got any character development, despite being a main character.

Since other Trek shows (particularly DS9) did well with the whole story-arc format, Enterprise went that route as well. I imagine this allowed the writing staff and producers to take longer vacations, or at least sleep until about 3:00 in the afternoon, show up at the writing room around 4, throw darts at the wall until 5, then go for drinks. Many of the episodes dealt with first or early contact with "new" aliens, and the troubles that ensue when a bunch of people who think they're professionals but don't know much of anything about anything get in a spaceship and try to make friends with everybody.

A lot of the plot of the first three seasons dealt with something called the Temporal Cold War, where presumably Berman & Braga realized that maybe Trek's past isn't interesting enough so maybe we can underline the time period's importance and add some intrigue by having two opposing forces from the future trying to muddy up the timeline of the 22nd century. For a space show, Trek has always seemed to spend a lot of time doing the whole time travel thing, to varying degrees of success. Berman & Braga have admitted that they were making their Cold War plot up as they went along, which was plainly obvious even to lower primates who might happen to watch an episode or two.

One highlight of the show was the recurring character of the Andorian, Shran. It's a tall order in this day and age to accept an alien as ridiculous looking as the Andorians looked even back in the 60s; but somehow, without really updating the look at all, they're not nearly as ridiculous. I mean, we're talking about blue-skinned, white-haired people with moving antennae. I had my misgivings at first, but I guess a lot of credit goes to Jeffrey Combs for making Shran such a hardcore, awesome character that you never once question the character design. I mean, the guy is completely serious, and he will totally kick you right in the teeth. Every time he was on he basically stole the show from the regulars. You didn't have time to think about how ridiculous he looked, because he was all business.

There was quite a bit of stupidity going on scriptwise on Enterprise. Some shows were blatant ripoffs of other Trek shows, others ripped off the plots of movies. Sometimes they went for cheap thrills. In one early episode Trip got pregnant, which I think was probably The Worst Episode. Every once in a while there was a decent episode, but there was a lot of sewage to wade through, especially in the first two seasons.

By Season 3, the ratings were failing due to what can only be described as gross negligence on the part of the producers, so Berman & Braga figured they would save the show by having a unifying story arc for the whole season - "The Search For The Xindi Superweapon". Nevermind that nobody had ever heard of the Xindi before, but they came to Earth and used a little Pocket Death Star to zap a gouge through Florida. This did not lead to happy times, because Trip's sister got vaporized and this made everyone upset and sad and the normally friendly Captain Archer started getting totally unhinged over the course of the season. This increased dramatic tension made the show get a lot better, since there was less time for stupid stories because they NEEDED TO FIND THE XINDI SUPERWEAPON NOW. Really, their search was a metaphor for the show's search for ratings. They even changed the name of the show, adding "Star Trek" to the title, just in case the pointy ears on the chick in the form-fitting leotard wasn't enough of a clue for you that this was a Trek show. Season 3 ended with the image of a scary looking alien in a Nazi uniform, which didn't make much sense even in the context of the episode. But that was just another trick of Berman & Braga trying to force another season with a cliffhanger ending that MUST BE RESOLVED.

Berman & Braga realized they were in serious creative trouble by this time, so they brought in Manny Coto to take the fall, I mean, run the show. So in Season 4, he cleaned up the mess as efficiently as possible, then used the season to mine classic Trek ideas to find their origins. How did the Federation come into being? Why do old-school Klingons look kinda swarthy while newer ones have those crazy bumpy heads? Etc. Stuff that I pretty much expected them to do from the start, because it's the only thing you can do with the premise that's at all interesting.

Late in Season 4, they did a Mirror Universe two-part episode. In Star Trek, the Mirror Universe is what happens when some characters we know go through some kind of temporal anomaly or rift or whatever and they end up in a parallel universe where everything is crazy. This is where Spock has a beard and stuff. Anyways, this episode was like the best episode of the show ever, because for once the characters were actually interesting. Also, it gave the show an excuse to do different things like make T'Pol the Vulcan chick look like an elf with a midriff-exposing uniform, make the crew put on TOS-era outfits and spend time on the bridge of a TOS-era starship in Part 2. And they had a CG Gorn, and if you don't know what a Gorn is without clicking here you must have some kind of a girlfriend or something. Also, they spent most of the episode trying to kill each other, which was a change of pace from the normal theme of the show.

The show got cancelled, so they had a final episode where they basically insult the entire cast of the show by getting a couple of TNG people to come in and guest star, stealing the focus of the story away from the people we've wasted a lot of time on in favor of two actors who look about twelve years older than their characters did in the episode of another show entirely, with a shoehorned plot that makes absolutely zero sense. It surprises no one that Berman & Braga wrote this episode, as they clearly had no faith in Enterprise anymore and obviously figured no one would watch unless they did some major stunt casting. Ironically, I thought Enterprise was actually starting to develop some traction by Season 4 and I would have liked to see what a Season 5 would have done, but it was not to be.

Somehow, I'll live.

I'd just like to take a moment to complain to Paramount's DVD Packaging Department for taking complete leave of their senses. I've seen the Enterprise, Original Series, and Animated Series DVDs in the stores. Now, I have quite a few box sets in my collection, but I will NEVER purchase any of these sets for two reasons: 1) I don't want them, and 2) THEY WOULD NEVER FIT ON MY SHELF due to UTTERLY RIDICULOUS PACKAGING. I'm supposed to put this huge hunk of plastic on my shelf? Listen, most DVDs spend the majority of their lives on a shelf. If you're like me and you're anal about how your collection looks, you will not be pleased with these huge, oddly shaped, crazy colored plastic Hot Wheels Carrying Cases sitting on your shelf. If they even fit on your shelf. Even the TNG box sets are acceptable, even though I can never get the discs out - they look great on the shelf. Remember that, Paramount Packaging. On. The. Shelf. It's important.

Returning to the matter at hand: Probably the worst thing about Enterprise (and this is saying a lot, considering) is the opening theme song. Rather than a rousing orchestral theme like TNG or a more reserved one like DS9 (I have no idea what Voyager's opening was like, thank goodness), Enterprise is saddled with this treacly Diane Warren lite soft rock song, like what would happen if Aerosmith's Armageddon song (same writer) was reworked by a karaoke contest winner from Missouri. It does not inspire me to watch people go to strange new worlds; it does, however, inspire me to skip the opening entirely, maybe take a nap, or perhaps even watch something else altogether if I'm in a mood and it really sets me off. IT'S THAT BAD. However, the Mirror Universe episode mentioned above has a reworked opening sequence that makes me want to tune in every week for intergalactic domination excitement. Another thing I hate about the standard opening sequence is that it shows all kinds of exploration and space innovations and whatnot, yet somehow fails to reference the first satellite in space as well as the first man in space, but I'm totally sure Sputnik and Yuri Gagarin are only footnotes in the history of space exploration...these oversights don't annoy me quite as much as the absence of Laika, the dog that beat even Gagarin to space, but I'm starting to get used to Laika getting the shaft all the time.

Anyway, Enterprise was a pretty cheesy show for the first two seasons, and if you're interested in it at all you should start with Season 3. Just ignore all the Temporal Cold War references and you'll be fine. The show's pretty decent in its last two seasons, but if there's one episode you should see, it's "In A Mirror, Darkly". Both parts. It's the show at its creative height, such as it is, and it's a lot of fun. Unlike most of the series.

Today's Video 8/23/07 - Treat Your Mother Right

Mr. T is so awesome it hurts.

Today's Video 8/22/07 - Orson Welles for Paul Masson Champagne

I almost feel bad about posting this, but it's just too awesome.Can you imagine what those poor people in the commercial with him are thinking? I mean, it's ORSON WELLES.

REVIEW - INLAND EMPIRE

(Note: The title INLAND EMPIRE is apparently meant to be in all caps, so please bear with me as I am simply preserving the artistic vision - not attempting to shout the title at the reader, as web typing conventions generally dictate with all caps. Thank you for your understanding in this matter.)

David Lynch's films are kind of review-proof. They don't work like most films do, they're not readily comparable with anything else that's ever been put to film, the plots are generally obscure at best, and they require some work on the part of the audience. Not exactly your traditional Tom Cruise action film escapist fare. Actually, I'd love to see what Lynch could do with a big, dumb action movie. That would be a trip.

Despite these difficulties in pigeon-holing Lynch films, I will endeavor to tell you what the deal is with INLAND EMPIRE. If it's comparable with anything, I guess you'd have to say it's not far off from later Lynch films like Mulholland Dr. or Lost Highway; lots of funky/strobing/flashlit lighting, completely messing with the characters' (and audience's) sense of linear time and just plain being as weird as possible. There have been some good reviews, and some not so good reviews. Some people who like Lynch's films have dumped on INLAND EMPIRE, and others who weren't Lynch fans before are looking at his stuff in a new light now. So I guess it's difficult to tell exactly who is going to be into it. It's nearly three hours long, so that should probably get factored in there somewhere.

David Lynch does not, as many have theorized, come from another planet. His brain simply has the rare (if not entirely unique) ability to create ideas that are completely original. At no point in the film is there a shot that references another film's style or evokes a reference to something else, except maybe to pervert the viewer's associational skills. You think Orson Welles tried this shot? Yeah, well not with a bunch of L.A. streetwalkers and Beck's "Black Tambourine" playing over it.

What is INLAND EMPIRE about? Mostly, it's described as "a woman in trouble". And you know what? I think that's about as accurate a description of the plot as anyone can come up with. So pardon me if I don't get too specific.

Laura Dern's performance is nothing short of amazing. The film rests entirely on her shoulders, and he carries it completely. Despite Lynch's valiant attempt to get her an Academy Award nomination, she went unrecognized in 2006. Sorry, Helen Mirren, but I think your Oscar belongs to somebody else.

One thing in Lynch's films that rarely gets any mention is how funny he can be. He's an actual human being (shock) with a pretty wicked sense of humor, and every once in a while, when you least expect it, the film will come up with something ridiculous to break the tension. This type of thing generally happens earlier in the film, because later on we're kinda neck-deep in oddness. Though sometimes even that can take an amusing turn.

INLAND EMPIRE was shot completely on digital video. Lynch plays around with this endlessly, creating shots that look like they were done with my dad's camcorder and then in the next shot composing a beautiful image that looks for all the world like 35mm. Lynch has said that he's going to stick with DV from now on, and I think I will, too.

If the film has a sort of stream-of-consciousness feel to it, it's probably because that's kind of how it was shot. Lynch would give the actors fresh dialogue on the day, and the actors themselves never really knew what the film was about. Lynch himself had certain themes he was working with, but apart from a bit of narrative most of the scenes were shot without even the director knowing exactly how they would fit into the film. In a way, it shows. In the hands of a lesser director it would probably have fallen apart completely, but Lynch clearly understands the journey his protagonist is taking.

Like much of Lynch's later work, it's a difficult film to truly understand, but where's the fun in having all the answers? If you want answers, this film will simply offer you more questions. Which is, in my mind, the best kind of film. This isn't one of those twist films like The Usual Suspects, where you're rewarded for your paitence with a carrot in the end; INLAND EMPIRE is about the trip itself. Oh, and the Locomotion.

Today's Video 8/21/07 - 15 Burgers, Shake and Fries

Talk about nostalgia attack. You know, it's true what they say about YouTube. It has EVERYTHING.

Case in point: man, when I was a kid I would watch PBS like all the time. Voluntarily. One of the shows I would watch regularly was Square One Television, where they tried to teach kids about math by making it interesting with sketches and songs and what not. The funny thing is, as horrible as I am at math to this day, I still regularly get these stupid math songs running through my head. So congratulations, Square One; you will forever torment me with your catchy math tunes.

Here, the Fat Boys illustrate what happens when you add burgers together. Or something. Hey, all I know is it's wicked catchy, okay?There's enough of these kicking around YouTube for a whole Square One week (or even two!), which may happen soon. I'm sure regular viewers will be eagerly awaiting THAT...

Today's Video 8/20/07 - Conan the Librarian

Never has reading been so savage, so dangerous!

Today's Video 8/17/07 - Players

Ricky Gervais. Stephen Merchant. Picking up chicks.

RANT: Ca-Ca-Coinage

So whenever I go to The City I get the subway Metrocard from the dispensing machine. And you know, say I put in a five but it's only $3, the machine gives you change. But not two singles.

Oh, no. You get CHANGE. Those gorram Sacagawea coins. THE DOLLAR COIN.

Now, the US mint is getting behind this huge push to eliminate dollar bills in favor of the coins. It will save the government mad money so they can hire Halliburton to rebuild New Orleans maybe. There's oil there, guys, seriously. Keep digging, you'll find it. While you're looking, why not build these poor people some houses?

I really don't have a problem with this, except one thing.

WHERE DO YOU SPEND THIS FAKE MONEY?

The problem really goes as far back as the $2 bill. I am a huge fan of the $2 bill, because every time I spend one the cashier gets all freaked out. "You should save this!" they tell me. Why? IT'S LEGAL TENDER, people. If you frame it, you're wasting money. "But you never see these!", they say. And do you know why?

BECAUSE EVERY TIME SOMEONE COMES ACROSS ONE THEY STUFF IT IN THEIR CLOSET SO THEY NEVER CIRCULATE.

Since everyone hoards them, they never circulate, and therefore they become rare. And because they are rare, everyone hoards them...you see what this is? It's a sort of monetary Catch-22. It is a vicious cycle of paper money futility.

But it's a bit different with dollar coins, and I'll tell you why. NOBODY WANTS THEM. See, the cashier at the store likes the $2 bill, because that thing isn't even going to make it into the cash drawer. The cashier is, if scrupulous, going to swap it out for two singles. There will be no question of what slot the $2 bill goes in. However, with the dollar coins, there is the small matter of the fact that there is no place for them in the cash drawer, and they don't have the $2 bill's mystique (if currency notes can be spoken of as having "mystique"), so they're not nearly as popular with cashiers. So it becomes a hassle. I've actually had some people try to refuse them. Also, irony of ironies: this may have changed since last I tried, but those machines that dispense dollar coins as change? They didn't ACCEPT them. I think that's what initially set me off about them.

Why are dollar coins scorned when $2 bills are considered fascinating? Let me ask you something. Go to the store and buy a quart of milk for, I dunno, $1.39. Pay with a five. Okay, now have fun with three dollar coins, two quarters, one dime, and a penny. Now walk home with your pockets jingle-jangling like Donner and Blitzen. IS THIS AWESOME? Y/N

Nobody wants to jingle-jangle like that all the time. Also, what's that divider in my wallet good for without singles? Also, what do we do until every cash register in the nation gets their drawers reconfigured? And I don't even want to know what it's going to mean for the exotic dancing industry.

Other countries around the world have their primary single currency in coin form; for instance, the British have one- and two-pound coins. It ain't no thing but a chicken wing. The only problem is, in America we still have the most colorless (and therefore counterfeit-friendly) currency notes in the world, and we still haven't converted to metric from when they told my mom we would when she was in elementary school. What I'm trying to say here is that America is very resistant to change, and most people would rather have a wad of singles in their pocket than a bunch of coins. But it doesn't matter, because it looks like we're going to get the coins whether we want it or not.

TRAILER - Walk Hard

John C. Reilly is an Academy Award nominated actor who also happens to be incredibly funny. Walk Hard is a sendup of all those musician biopics that have been winning awards the past few years. Personally, I really liked Walk the Line a lot and I wish this film didn't lampoon it quite so much. Maybe a little bit more Ray needling might be in order, I don't know.All kinds of awesome people have small parts and cameos in this, so be sure to check it out maybe.

Today's Video 8/16/07 - Like A Giant Snapping Twigs

As British Comedy Week continues, Bill Bailey goes on a tangent.Bill Bailey isn't well known in the States. WHEN WILL THIS CHANGE???

TRAILER - The Dark Is Rising

Since Harry Potter and Lord of the Rings have done so well, the inevitable procession of kids' films based on fantasy books continues at an exponential rate. I still don't know what the deal is with that whole Golden Compass thing (though I hear that the "compass" isn't actually a compass, it's an alethiometer, whatever that is), but that is neither here nor there.

This latest film, The Dark Is Rising, is based on a book (part of a series, of course) from the 1970s. I've never read the books, but they sound pretty okay. However, speaking from a purely cinematic viewpoint, I'm not sure this adaptation works, really, despite the presence of Serious Awesomeness in Ian McShane and Christopher Eccleston. You make the call, folks.I think my main problem is that the kid is American. Isn't there a rule that all children in fantasy films are to be British? Because if there isn't, there should be. Also, there's really nothing new here, everything in this trailer has been done before in some way. At least The Golden Compass has talking polar bears, Eva Green, and Sam Elliott in a dirigible.

Note to trailer cutters: without giving the whole movie away, please include something in your fantasy film trailers to differentiate it from all the rest. Thanks.

Today's Video 8/15/07 - The Swimming Pool

Today, Rowan Atkinson's Mr. Bean faces his fears (and a pair of orange elephants) at the local swimming pool.

Remembering Scooter

I'm not a big baseball fan. I'll go to a game now and then. I'll watch a game if I'm looking to take a nap. I mean really, unless you're there watching it live in person it's the most boring game ever. And I have to say, I'm not the biggest Yankee fan in the world (in fact I'm kinda happy when they lose), but I do have great respect for their past players. As much as you might hate the Bronx Bombers, if you go to Monument Park at Yankee Stadium you can't help but be impressed at the players that have donned the pinstripes over the years. My favorite Yankee was always Phil Rizzuto.

Why? Because he did a ton of commercials for The Money Store back in the day. When I was a kid, I didn't know who Phil Rizzuto was as far as baseball, all I knew was that he said "Holy cow!" a lot, and very badly wanted for me to call 1-800-LOAN-YES and get a second mortgage loan. Check out what I'm talking about (unfortunately [for the somber tone of this post] there are some other, off-topic yet equally nostalgic commercials in this clip - check those out too, I guess):One time I went to a Yankee game and it happened to be Old Timers' Day and Scooter was there. It was pretty awesome.

He was great player in his day, despite being ony 5' 6" tall. As a shortstop, he played in five All-Star games and won 11 pennants and 9 World Series during his career. After being released by the Yankees in 1956, he spent another 40 years in the broadcast booth. He was inducted into the Baseball Hall of Fame in 1994.

Phil Rizzuto was 89 years old.

TRAILER - Right At Your Door

Okay, this movie looks MESSED UP. FOR SERIOUS, GUYS.

Professional Pillow Fighting?

All right, I'm not sure if this is the awesomest thing evar or a sign of the apocalypse (probably the latter), but the mere existence of a professional pillow fighting league is just insane to me. And I know what you're thinking, you cynics out there, but these girls are fully clothed at all times and absolutely serious about winning pillow fights. The league is based in Canada and mostly tours in the Great Lakes and Northeast regions, but recently they've taken the act on the road as far as New York City and will even be making an appearance in South Carolina later this month. Here is a clip of what it's like at a PFL matchup, as Digit Jones takes on Sarah Bellum:Clearly, the league has a long way to go before it reaches a state of true legitimacy, but I think if marketed correctly it could work out better than the GLOW did back in the 80s. Heck, ESPN called the PFL "a glimpse of the future of sports." The PFL seems to be going for more of an "Ultimate Fighting with Pillows" niche market, but I'm not sure this is the right idea. What the girls really need to do is less Greco-Roman grappling and mixed martial arts stuff, and more roundhouse headshots with the pillows. After all, this is a pillow fight, ladies. That's my opinion, anyway.

In a somewhat related topic, pillow fight flash mobs are becoming more common. This seems to me to be one of the best uses of flash mobs and I think we should all be doing stuff like this more often. Because what in life is more important than causing organized chaos? NOTHING, that's what.

Today's Video 8/14/07 - A Perfectly Ordinary English Sentence

Today, perpetually buzzed Irish comic Dylan Moran tackles California.

REVIEW - Night at the Museum

Yeah, I know this movie came out a long time ago, but I've been strenuously avoiding it since its release and was recently placed in a situation where I had to watch it whether I liked it or not. Kind of like what happened when I was on a plane and had to sit through The Devil Wears Prada, except instead of having Anne Hathaway and Emily Blunt to keep me interested there was Steve Coogan, Owen Wilson and a slap-happy monkey. Which is less like comparing apples and oranges and more like apples and refrigerators.

Ben Stiller makes a lot of movies. Some of them are very funny, others not so much. I think I prefer him when his character is completely ridiculous, like in Zoolander or Dodgeball. When he has to play a normal character who has crazy things happen to him (such as in Meet the Parents), I'm not so amused. He gets all manic and tries to deal with stuff and ends up making comedy copper instead of comedy gold. In the process, he hurts Robert De Niro's career. Generally, if Stiller is the straight lead in the film, he needs someone like Philip Seymour Hoffman (Along Came Polly) or Jack Black (Heat Vision and Jack, oh, yeah, I went there) to do the comedic heavy lifting. I mean, what would you rather see, Ben Stiller in Meet the Fockers or Ben Stiller in Happy Gilmore? See what I mean?

On the other hand, it's nice (and pretty weird) to see old-timers like Dick Van Dyke and Mickey Rooney get work, I just wish it was in a better movie. Making them [spoiler] the bad guys [end spoiler] would have been more surprising if Van Dyke hadn't played the [spoiler] nice but actually evil [end spoiler] character a few times previously.

Robin Williams needs to get back on the white horse, because he hasn't been funny since he gave up the smack. Seriously.

Ricky Gervais...he isn't really wasted in his small role, but it isn't all that funny, either. I'm used to laughing out loud at the guy, and he only had me at a chuckle, and probably only because I was thinking about what David Brent would be saying.

The highlight for me, if there was one, was Steve Coogan and Owen Wilson and their anachronistic diorama battles. That was truly amusing.

The plot is ridiculous, and I understand that a movie where museum stuff comes to life would require a bit of disbelief suspension, but the movie fails to be consistent to the rules of its own universe. Not only does it fail to make realistic sense (which is perfectly fine under the circumstance), it also fails to make unrealistic sense. Kind of like The Neverending Story II. Which is never a good film for comparison. Also, the ending has a lovely bit of deus ex machina that made me want to drown a puppy. And I like puppies.

Mostly, I think my problem with the movie was a lack of a sense of wonder about what was going on. The only person that seemed genuinely excited about the whole thing was Carla Gugino's character, who wanted to meet her hero, Sacagawea. Ben Stiller's character wants to exploit the museum's magic to get in better with his son, the old guys [spoiler] want to exploit the Egyptian tablet [end spoiler]. Maybe it would have helped if Stiller's character thought museums were cool before being trapped in a curator's dream/nightmare? Or maybe if he thought that magical museums were useful for more than just convincing his son that he wasn't a toolshed? I don't know. There are no easy answers here.

Really, though, these things don't matter because what we should be worried about here is IS THE MOVIE ENTERTAINING? And the answer is yes, if you expect absolutely nothing from it, which I did. I was really hoping to be surprised by Night at the Museum, but mostly I was surprised at how I wasn't surprised. If that makes any sense.

COMIC-CON: The Andrew Stanton Interview

Pixar's Andrew Stanton sat down with Quint from Ain't It Cool News at the San Diego Comic-Con and discussed the film I'll be buying on DVD next fall after seeing the heck out of it in theaters in the summer, Wall-E. Most interestingly, we learn the (predictable) inspiration for the character:

"I said 'Look, when I was a kid and I saw Star Wars and R2 was alone going through Tatooine before the Jawas… I didn’t care if we ever went back to anybody else again.' I said, 'You could have stayed right there and...' I thought a lot of people, and this is not a criticism of the movie, no we love it, but I’m saying like how much it made you want to know more about just that world and that character and the power that carried."

Can the general public deal with a film that has only beeps and whistles for dialogue? We'll find out next summer. The full interview can be found here.

Today's Video 8/13/07 - Is This Cool???

It's British Comedy week here at DbP, and we'll start the week with a public service announcement from the man himself, Steve Coogan.

Today's Video 8/10/07 - Da Funk

If you've never seen this Daft Punk video, prepare for awesomeness and click play.

TRAILER - Be Kind, Rewind

I posted about this film way back in June (can you believe I've been doing this since May?), and now the trailer has finally hit. And boy, has it.

It has hit me, personally. Right between the eyes.Every once in a while a film comes along and I know immediately that I will enjoy the heck out of it. Like the thing was made with me in mind. The Empire Strikes Back. Blade Runner. Donnie Darko. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. And now, Be Kind, Rewind.

Thank you, Michel Gondry.

Casting Update

With so much grist for the rumor mill these days, let's get some actual casting NEWS going rather than all these rumors all the time.

STAR TREK - While Spock is a lock, Kirk and the rest of the crew have yet to be cast. Earlier this week, somebody leaked the casting guidelines for the crew. Noticeably absent from the list was the character of navigator Pavel Chekov. Were they forgetting about him? No, they already cast him. Anton Yelchin is in negotiations to play the Russian helmsman. The cool thing is, he's Russian; but it's not like he's straight outta Kapustin Yar or anything, his parents emigrated to the States when he was 6 months old. So there you go. Still waiting on confirmation on the whole Tom Cruise thing. Not holding my breath, though.

WATCHMEN - Sally Jupiter, the original Silk Spectre, a character who is rather elderly in Watchmen's 1985, will be played by the cute as a button Carla Gugino (Night at the Museum). Who isn't very old, really. This is a pretty important thing, and here's why - it means that the flashback sequences will remain an important part of the story. I was worried they might drop them for time, but it looks like they're here to stay, which is great news for fans of the comic. Like Zack Snyder, apparently.

DEATH RACE - The remake of the Roger Corman classic will feature Jason Statham (that Transporter guy), Joan Allen (those Bourne movies), the awesome Ian McShane (HBO's Deadwood)(pictured at right), and Tyrese Gibson (Transformers) in the Sylvester Stallone role. I guess they're not going to call it Death Race 2000. They're probably no even going to keep most of the twisted humor, like "euthanasia day" at the hospital and stuff. Oh, well. Maybe someday they'll stop making remakes and do something slightly original? Maybe?

Today's Video 8/9/07 - Clash of the Titans

Iggy Pop. Tom Waits. What more do you need?

Today's Video 8/8/07 - Semi-Weirdo

Gonzo was always my favorite muppet.

Tom Cruise Invades Another Potentially Good Film?

Strange reports are coming in that Tom Cruise, that rakish Scientologist who keeps turning up in the strangest places, may have a new cameo appearance to add to his schedule.

In Star Trek.

I actually kind of like this idea, because the rumor is that he'd be playing Christopher Pike, the previous Enterprise captain. It would be cool to see Tom Cruise hand the keys over to whoever they get to play Kirk. It would be cooler if Pike was already in the wheelchair and talked in a blinky beep. I would pay good money to see Cruise play screwed-up Pike, but we all know that won't happen. Oh, well.

Trek director J.J. Abrams is pally with Cruise from his last film, a little production called Mission: Impossible III. You may have heard of it. I liked it, surprisingly enough, in spite of Cruise.

But guess what? Tom Cruise's publicist says it's not happening. But MAYBE IT WILL??? Probly not. Fun to think about, though.

REVIEW - Twin Peaks

Ever watch a movie like Citizen Kane or Casablanca for the first time and not really appreciate it because you've seen this sort of thing a million times before, but then you realize that those million other times are all referencing, homaging, or just plain ripping off the exact thing you're watching? And then your brain catches on fire and melts out your ear holes? That's kind of what happens when you watch Twin Peaks. It was only on for about a year (30 episodes over two seasons between April 1990 and June 1991), but it casts quite a shadow.

Created by the awesome but supremely odd director David Lynch and television producer Mark Frost, Twin Peaks chronicled the adventures of FBI Special Agent Dale Cooper, called to the sleepy Washington town to investigate the murder of high-school student Laura Palmer. If it sounds pedestrian, it is - when summarized in a single sentence. Twin Peaks has a reputation for being one of the strangest programs ever to be transmitted by network television, and it is a much deserved reputation at that. Check this out:See? Pretty freaky. You think he'd just walk around the couch, but no - he climbs over it. With his shoes on, no less! But it's not just about scary stuff; in fact, it's not mostly about scary stuff. Mostly, it's about unconventional detective skills in a town full of freaky-deaky crazy people. Observe:Originally, Lynch wanted to keep the Palmer investigation open for the duration of the series. His view was that the Palmer murder was just the underlying hook to get people interested in the show, and the real point of the program was the quirky characters and strange goings-on surrounding Cooper. But the network commanded that the Palmer mystery be solved. Once that happened, the ratings began to sag, the storylines weren't quite as interesting (though they were still pretty good), and ABC cancelled the show at the end of the season. They killed the goose, basically.

Lynch got some of his regular actors involved, including Kyle McLachlan as Agent Cooper, along with Everett McGill and Jack Nance. Joining them were Michael Ontkean, Peggy Lipton, Ray Wise, Joan Chen, Richard Beymer, and a collection of young femmes fatale including Lara Flynn Boyle, Madchen Amick, Sherilyn Fenn, and Sheryl Lee as Laura Palmer. Lynch himself appeared occasionally as Cooper's hilariously hard-of-hearing boss, and late in the show an impossibly young Heather Graham showed up to boost ratings. All in all, the cast was pretty awesome. Mostly, they spent most of their time reacting to crazy things going on. What kind of crazy things? Watch the show for yourself, this isn't spoiler country. Okay, I'll throw you a bone, but just one: This sort of thing, while pretty weird in and of itself, doesn't seem ridiculously farfetched for network television today (for example, Buffy had that silent episode), but if you think back to 1990, this kind of thing was simply unheard of. Twin Peaks' legacy is in the trail it blazed for shows that would come after it. The X-Files is probably the most obviously derivative, but one could argue that any show dealing with a large cast in a continuing-story setting owes Twin Peaks a debt, because at the time these kind of continuity-intensive shows were being phased out by the networks altogether in favor of more episodic programming. Twin Peaks showed that continuing stories would indeed still hook the audience weekly, so you can thank David Lynch and Mark Frost for Lost, Desperate Housewives, Heroes, and pretty much all those shows on HBO.

Twin Peaks' DVD availability is kind of annoying as of this writing. Season 1 was available, but was retired just before Season 2 was released. Why? Because in October a Complete Series DVD set will be released, so you can buy the whole thing then, including the previously unavailable pilot episode. So save your pennies for that, everybody.

Webcomic Spotlight - The Perry Bible Fellowship

The Perry Bible Fellowship is rather poorly named. It has nothing to do with anyone named Perry, there are no Bibles involved, and it's just one guy doing the comics, not any kind of Fellowship. So why call it the Perry Bible Fellowship?

Why not?

Nicholas Gurewitch is a pretty twisted guy. Talented, though. The artwork varies in style from strip to strip; occasionally lampooning daily newspaper fixtures like Family Circus or the macabre work of Edward Gorey. In fact, many of the PBF's comics lean toward the macabre side. Sometimes they're even flat-out twisted. Sometimes the joke isn't obvious at first. It's certainly not a webcomic for everyone. For instance, even though I think it's funny, some people may not find this very amusing:This one might take a bit of brainpower to really appreciate:Get it? Get it? Hahaha! Anachronisms are HILARIOUS! (Most people think the joke is the zebra penis. The joke is not the zebra penis.)

The PBF is updated sometimes, and can be found here.

Monopoly - A Ridley Scott Film

This is a joke right? PLEASE TELL ME THIS IS A JOKE.

It all sounded on the level at first. Scarlett Johansson and Kirsten Dunst are among the young, hip stars being courted for a new Ridley Scott film. But what is the film? Well, it's based on Monopoly. The board game.

Perspective: Sir Ridley Scott. The man who made Blade Runner. Gladiator. Black Hawk Down. Legend. Alien. That famous Mac commercial from the '84 Super Bowl. The guy whose brother Tony makes all those action movies with Denzel Washington and/or Avid farts. RIDLEY SCOTT. Directing a fantastic new film based on THE BELOVED BOARD GAME. So says Sir Ridley:

"Because clearly it ought to be humorous and for the family -- the funny way it brings out, particularly when your uncle suddenly gets Park Lane and -- in England, we have Park Lane, Mayfair and Barclay Square, what's it in America? Park and Madison? So you watch people change. You're witness to Jekyll and Hyde. Somewhere in that is a hysterically amusing and I think rather exciting film."

Some advice: Please, Ridley, do us all a favor and just make that Blade Runner sequel you were thinking out loud about at Comic-Con. Or, at least familiarize yourself with the American version of the game or most of your audience will be confused. Heck, there are so many versions now, I think confusion will be unavoidable at this point.

I will be happy when this gets debunked, but in this day and age when you can have a live-action, talking-animal Underdog film, all bets are off.

Wall-E

I just wanted to share this picture of Wall-E with you because he is so awesome.Wall-E hits theatres June 27, 2008.

Today's Video 8/7/07 - The Shatner Salutes the Chipmunk

Reinforcing geekdom's reputation for being completely insane, William Shatner performs "My Way" at George Lucas' AFI Lifetime Achievement Award ceremony. Surreal does not begin to describe it.

The Siskel & Ebert & Roeper Archive

I've disagreed with Roger Ebert on a number of occasions, and was personally insulted when he said that The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou suffered from "terminal whimsy". What's wrong with whimsy?

Anyway, right, wrong, or otherwise, Ebert and his filmgoing partners, whether the knowledgeable Gene Siskel or the soulless android called Richard Roeper, have always given reviews that are entertaining in their own right. More importantly, they generally back up their opinions with logic. Mostly. That Roeper guy's pretty much a toolshed and I rarely agree with him, but whatever.

The really cool thing here is that Siskel & Ebert saved all their film reviews from way back, and now they're being posted on the interweb. So while away the day checking them out.

Today's Video 8/6/07 - 80s Hair Bands Get Pwned

Having grown up during the first few years of MTV, I got used to my music videos featuring hair no crazier than the guys from A Flock of Seagulls. Those guys get a lot of flack for their hairstyles back then, and rightly so. BECAUSE THEY WERE AWESOME.

However, later in the 80s, when the hair bands started coming around, those guys kind of killed MTV for me because they were retarded and it seemed like the bands existed more to pick up chicks than anything else. Which is not to say that no good can come of the genre (Def Leppard's "Photograph" is a masterwork), but it's not exactly the high water mark of music history.

On the other hand, one could argue that New Order is like the best band of the 80s so for them to make a music video back then that totally makes fun of all the hair bands is a really cool thing.Yes, that is Bill Paxton chasing after some girl in the video.

Today's Video 8/3/07 - Wheel of Fish

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you Gedde Watanabe's finest hour.

TRAILER - Helvetica

Helvetica is a pretty modern-looking font, right? I was shocked to learn that it was created way back in 1957! That's just one of the interesting things to learn in the documentary Helvetica, which is in select (read: art house) theaters right now.For more info on the film, click here. Helvetica enters my DVD player in October.

COMIC-CON: The Golden Compass

The big news at this panel was the footage. Thankfully, someone posted it. Still waiting on that Iron Man footage, people. I know somebody's got it somewhere...I still don't know what the deal is with this thing, and this footage just leaves me more confused. I will say this, it's well cast.

Questions From Readers - August 2007

Back by popular demand is the return of Questions From Readers, where we answer the questions so you won't have to.

I have no idea what that means in this context.

Wade Wilson of Havre de Grace, MD, types:

Why do you only review movies that are new in the theater? You should review stuff that's new on DVD, or even stuff that's old on DVD. That might work.

Thanks for the constructive suggestion, Wade. There are a few reasons I haven't started reviewing my (rather extensive) DVD collection, most of it involves a sheer lack of time. Look for this to happen eventually, though. In the meantime, enjoy my infrequent trips to the movies. I may do a few television program reviews soon, so that's something.

Silas Adams of Gmail, The Internet, types:

Why don't you review stuff other than movies? That would be, as you would say, "awesome".

Well, I did review the new Interpol CD recently, and will continue to review notable music releases from artists that don't offend my delicate brain. As stated above, television shows will probably happen soon, likely in the form of DVD set reviews.

Pris Batty of Los Angeles types:

Why do you just blog about comic book movies?

Originally, I set out to cover all aspects of media culture. However, the interweb seems to favor rumors about upcoming genre films more than anything, especially with regard to comic book films, so most of the news and rumors tend to be about that. So in response to your query, Pris, I don't. It just seems like I do.

This cryptic missive comes from someone called suspirarules004:

YOU ARE THE TOOLSHED

TOM ROTHMAN

Not much of a question, there, Tom, if it is indeed the actual Tom Rothman, head of 20th Century Fox's film division. Maybe you should go take some remedial English courses instead of completely screwing up the most durable superhero film franchise evar.

And finally, noted pirate and regular contributor to Questions From Readers Long John Rasputin submits this question:

D'ya post up stories of me fellow captains? I just got me a message in a bottle from Horatio McCrimmon that sent me spine ashiver. If so, read on ye scalawags, if ye be men of good fortitude.

Ahoy there, ya bilge rat!

I got me a tale of that accursed lagoon of Endo that'll send a shiver up the spine of even Davy Jones hisself!

There I was on me schooner, the Gertrude Matilda McAllister (named for me beauty who to this very day waits at Land's End for my triumphant return, bless her stupid heart), when me navigator Sandy McBottoms had us steer on as dark and dangerous a course as you've ever heard tale. What we never learned till too late was that the treasure map we was followin' was a fakery, and the scurvy dogs we bought it from on the rum-soaked isle of Gargamel were fixin' to double-cross us to our doom.

Te make a long story short ('Too late!' say my gallant crew, the rum-soaked wretches), a fell wind was a-blowin and the sky turned black soon as we blew inta the lagoon. In no time flat we was stopped, our rudder was all atangled in a seaweed thicker'n the long brown hair of sweet Molly McCracken, and if ya ever been to see her at the Salty Coconut at Dunkirk Bay, ya knows what I'm tellin. Me ship wasna goin anyplace, that much was clear to both me and me gallant crew of scalawags and ne'er-do-wells. Then suddenly, me first mate Stuckpig Murphy shouted, "Avast! Off the starboard bow, a sight to make the Devil hisself piss his own britches!"

"The Devil don't wear britches!" I telled the bilge rat. Then I looked to starboard like he says, and sure as the sun comes up on Thursday, the most evilest creature you ever laid eyes on was comin up out o' the sea. From the deepest bung hole of Hell itself the monster must have escaped. I seen me a many strange and interesting things on the seven seas; I seen me a mermaid, I seen me a whale so big as it could eat the bloody Spanish Armada whole and still have room in his gullet for a side of beef and a pint or two of grog ta wash it down, I even seen me a buncha cannibals eat Old Ralphie, me old first mate, back on the curiously named Cannibal Isle. But this was another beast entirely, with its long arms and beak so terrible and sharp me fearless parrot Dawkins got jealous and flew off from me shoulder in a fit.

I'd heard a pair of drunk Frenchmen speaking of this creature in a pub in the Antilles, an they swore up and down it was real but who could trust the word of a Frenchman, and a drunk one at that? But on that day, when the Kraken wrapped its nasty tentacles 'round the Gertrude Matilda McAllister and dragged me bonny lass down to a watery grave, we saws for ourselves the nasty end the Frenchmen described. I lost me a good many men to the Kraken that day, and the lagoon's black sea ran red with the blood of many a good scalawag. Me and Sandy Bottoms and Dead Tom and Blackie Zapata and Browneye McManus got away in the dinghy at the last possible second. So close was our escape that the Kraken was able to grab that landlubber Desmond Harbinger from the dinghy just as we were nearly out of its grasp.

We rowed out from the lagoon of Endo and was rescued by Captain Redbeard and the fine crew of his ship, the Red Potato. Never have I met such magnificent bastards as they. Redbeard dropped us back at Gargamel, and you've not seen such a donnybrook as the battle we had with those double-crossin landlubbers what sold us the fake map. When it was over, we stole their boat, and now me gallant crew and I sail on the newly christened McCrimmon's Revenge! Arrr!

Captain Horatio McCrimmon

Okay, I think that's enough for now. Join us again next time when I answer more questions from readers (hence the name).

The Leonard Nimoy Interview

The man, the myth, the legend. The guy with the pointy ears. Despite having a varied acting and directing career, Leonard Nimoy will forever be identified with Star Trek and his role as Mr. Spock.

One of the more surprising announcements at the San Diego Comic-Con was that Nimoy would once again be playing Spock in the upcoming Star Trek film, with Heroes star Zachary Quinto playing the younger version of the character. Trekmovie.com has a great new interview with Nimoy about why he chose to take the role.

I think these writers and J.J. have taken great pains to see to that they honor the Star Trek history and the Star Trek canon. I don’t think there is going to be any problem with that at all…this is not an issue. I have seen quibbles on the Internet with people very nicely concerned. Saying “who else can play Kirk and Spock…it is not possible.” Well it is possible. Don’t worry. Once people see this film and see how good it is all those quibbles will go away...

Read more of the interview here. Star Trek hits theaters late 2008.

Mad props to Jman for the heads-up on this one.

Today's Video 8/2/07 - The Pug-Nosed Face Song

Ricky Gervais, back by popular demand.See his pug-nosed face.

Today's Video 8/1/07 - Hey, Kid - I'm A Computer!

Stop all the downloadin'!That's called starting the month off right, guys.