TRAILER - The Golden Compass

What is the deal with this story, guys?

Seriously, guys, I want to see this movie but I'm not sure because WHAT IS THE DEAL HERE?

Bookmark This Page

The viral marketing campaign for Watchmen has officially begun. Maybe?

There's not much at Rorschach's Journal yet, but I expect that there will be soon. For now, you could maybe send him an email, so that's kind of neat. I don't know.

Today's Video 6/29/07 - Words Cannot Describe

Muse Week concludes with one of the greatest videos evar! Watch Knights of Cydonia now!

Nazi Codebreaking For Fun & Profit

Ever see one of those WWII movies like U-571 or Enigma, where the Allies have to break the Nazis' unbreakable codes in order to win the war? The Nazis used a complicated encrypt/decrypt device called the Enigma machine.

Ever wanted to make your own encoded messages using the Enigma machine? Of course you have. Fortunately, someone on the interweb made a Flash simulation of the machine, and it also demonstrates how the encryption scheme works! Pretty neat, guys.

It's all pretty technical, but if you want to know how the physical machine used to work, and some history of the machine and its place in history, click here.

Paris Hilton's Trash Worth Millions

You think I'm kidding.

Still awaiting more information on Ms. Hilton's linguistic inventions...

Spice Girls Announce Reunion Tour, Apocalypse Feared Imminent

Back in 1997, you couldn't throw a Pepsi One without hitting a Spice Girl. They were truly the definition of ubiquity with their #1 singles, a major motion picture starring George Wendt, and ridiculous music videos. But of course, like so many British imports, their US tour coupled with the loss of a key member (Ginger Spice, to extreme hubris) signalled their eventual downfall.

Kind of like what happened to Joy Division. Sort of.

So now the girls are probably poor or whatever (except for Posh Spice, of course) and figure they can use some cash because most of them have kids now and formula is expensive, so why not have a reunion tour?

Maybe because no one wants to see a Spice Girls reunion tour?

Actually, that may not be the case. The girls were extremely popular around the world, where boy bands had dominated until the Spice Girls came in with their "girl power" and made short work of the Backstreet Boys and 98°. Many Americans don't realize that those boy bands were huge for a few years internationally, and the Spice Girls came on to the scene and acted as a counter to them. When the Girls came to America, pop music wasn't such a big thing at the time and the Girls were forced to personally jumpstart the market. Which they did, ironically paving the way for the boy bands they'd been fighting in the international market. Later, people like Britney Spears and Christina Aguilera would use their "girl power" to beat the crap out of the boy bands on the charts in the same way the Spice Girls had.

Their legacy remains alive and well thanks to those aforementioned ladies, and especially the various girl groups that crop up occasionally to varied success like the Pussycat Dolls, who must have blackmailed someone in the music industry because most of those girls are pretty beat looking. At least the Spice Girls had the common decency to not look mirror-breakingly ugly. Diminishing returns, I guess. I won't even get into singing abilities, because we're talking about pop music here and we all know that talent can only take you so far. At least a few of the Spice Girls could actually sing, which is way more than the Pussycat Dolls. I could go on, but I won't waste my time.

Will the Spice Girls' Reunion Tour be a success? I'm inclined to say no. But maybe at least they can show some of the current crop of crappy girl groups out there how to be slightly less crappy.

Tom Cruise, Please Don't Ruin The Awesomeness Of This Movie

So Tom Cruise is in this Bryan Singer film called Valkyrie, about these Nazi generals who figure Hitler might not be such a nice guy after all so they try to blow him up. Sounds pretty awesome, and it doesn't even matter that Tom Cruise is in the movie because the rest of the cast will make up for Tom Cruise being in it. But there's one small problem.

The German government is blocking the production from filming in a number of historic locations where the events of the film actually took place. Their reason? They don't like Scientology.

Is it too late to recast? Cruise is totally the weak link in this thing anyway. Col. Claus Graf Schenk von Stauffenberg's son Berthold Schenk Graf von Stauffenberg has spoken out against Cruise playing the role, telling the Sueddeutsche Zeitung that "he should keep his fingers off my father," and adding that he feared the movie would be "terrible kitsch." Maybe Cruise should just bow out gracefully? I don't think there are any easy answers here. Oh, wait - maybe the studio could spend a few extra dollars and BUILD SOME SETS RECREATING THE BARRED LOCATIONS? Maybe?

Come on, guys, just make the movie, okay?

Be Kind, Rewind

From director Michel Gondry (Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, The Science of Sleep, about a billion music videos) comes another Jack Black film. Be Kind, Rewind follows Black as he accidentally erases all the tapes in his friend's video store; they then film their own replacement versions of the films on a predictably limited budget. Mos Def co-stars. Sounds like fun to me!

Up next for Gondry is Master of Space and Time, a film about an inventor who discovers a way to create his own universe. Up next for Jack Black is a dramedy with Nicole Kidman called Margot at the Wedding, then the Ben Stiller war comedy Tropic Thunder, which will also feature Owen Wilson and The Man himself, Steve Coogan. Up next for Mos Def is a sequel to The Italian Job, because the public has been clamoring for that with riots in the streets.

Be Kind, Rewind hits theaters in limited release on December 21st.

Today's Video 6/28/07 - Twist Ending?

Muse Week is almost over already! Here's the video for Sing For Absolution, which is pretty cool because it's all futuristic with a real Coruscant vibe. Certainly one of their more cinematic videos, and of course by the end they've made a mess of things. Speaking of cinematic, tomorrow's video will be so awesome!

Sam Raimi May Not Do Spider-Man 4

But then again, he may.

The director told MTV that he'll be back to helm the already-greenlit fourth installment if the story's right, and if they can keep Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst in their respective roles. If not, he'd still like to be involved as a producer.

Where does Raimi see the fourth film going? Will Dr. Curt Connors finally get some action? "The Lizard is probably one of my favorite characters," he said. "But ['Spider-Man 4'] will probably have to start with the central journey of the main character to arrive at the proper villain."

Another possibility he brought up was the Sinister Six. "I would love to see Electro, Vulture, maybe the Sinister Six as a team," he said. An exciting theory - though bringing back Thomas Haden Church and Alfred Molina sounds prohibitively expensive if Maguire and Dunst return as well.

Of course, regular readers of this blog probably know how I feel about the prospect of Kirsten Dunst returning...my guess is that Tobey and Kirsten will price themselves out of their roles, Raimi will simply opt to produce, and Sony will spend the money they saved on Ben Kingsley or maybe Patrick Stewart as the Vulture and bring back Dylan Baker as the Lizard. At least, in a perfect world, that's what would happen. I think a Sinister Six film can wait until the fifth installment, or maybe the very end of the fourth film to build some anticipation. The third one had too many bad guys; if they do the Sinister Six at some point they should probably split the story over two films - have the Lizard be the focus of the fourth one, but members of the Six in a subplot, then carry the Six over into the fifth film as the main bad guys. At least that's what I think.

Searching for Bigfoot - in Michigan?

According to this article, Michigan scientists will be searching for the famed cryptozoological holy grail on that weird peninsula part of Michigan that probably should belong to Wisconsin. You know the place. Apparently there have been a number of sightings there.

I question the scientific abilities of these "scientists", because everybody knows that Bigfoot lives in the PACIFIC NORTHWEST. I mean come on, haven't they seen Harry and the Hendersons?

But seriously, I suppose the upper peninsula of Michigan would be a good place for sasquatches to hide since nobody really lives there and it's probably all forest. And as suburban sprawl slowly but inexorably closes in on rural areas, many fine forest creatures are being flushed out into the open. Lately, bears have been invading the suburbs in ridiculous numbers. Perhaps Bigfoot will yet be revealed, pooping on someone's front lawn or bashing mailboxes or trying to pull down a bird feeder.

People laugh about cryptozoology and talk about it being a bunch of crap, but they found the coelacanth, giant squid, and the mountain gorilla, which were all thought to be extinct or legendary. Who says there can't be some kind of big primate hanging out in the woods somewhere in America or Canada? Absence of proof does not necessarily mean proof of absence.

M-Maybe?

Nooooooooooooooo!

Gary Oldman may be quitting the acting business.

He hasn't been taking a lot of roles lately (mostly just Sirius Black in the Harry Potters and Jim Gordon in the new Batman series), and apparently he's only taken the roles for the paychecks. The 49 year old claims in this article that he's grown tired of acting and may want to try another line of work.

If he does step away from acting, WHO WILL BE ALL THE AWESOME BAD GUYS??? This is a problem.

Look, Another Pic From Iron Man!

(l. to r.: Terence Howard as Jim Rhodes, Gwyneth Paltrow as Pepper Potts, Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark, and Jeff Bridges as Obadiah Stane)
I'll get this out of the way right now. I think I'm not too crazy about Gwyneth Paltrow being in this movie. She was underwhelming in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and I'm not sure she can do this genre effectively. I would like to be proven wrong, though. I still think Iron Man is going to rock, regardless. I mean, check out The Dude! He has no hair on top of his head and he looks all evil! Pretty awesome, guys.

Today's Video 6/27/07 - Military Precision?

Muse Week continues with the video for Time Is Running Out. Here we see Muse make use of music video choreography to their own ironic ends.

By now you may notice a trend in Muse videos where things start out relatively normal but by the end everything's trashed. For the ultimate in this kind of behavior in a Muse video, check out Hysteria, which will not be featured this week because there are a couple of even awesomer videos to show.

TRAILER - Stardust

I am a big fan of Neil Gaiman's work. The guy is a pretty brilliant writer. I've read a number of his works: American Gods, Neverwhere, the Sandman series from DC/Vertigo. Really awesome stuff. That said, one of his books that I haven't yet read is Stardust. I'm told it's a pretty good fairy tale story.

Matthew Vaughn - director of Layer Cake, friend of Neil Gaiman and husband of Claudia Schiffer - has directed the screen adaptation of Stardust. Now, I'm really not sure what to think here. Advance word from the geek community is saying that it's awesome, but the trailer looks like they're just selling a crappy swashbuckling epic effects movie. Which is not the sort of film that would generally spring from a Neil Gaiman story. Swashbuckling, epic, effects? Maybe. Crappy? Less likely. Then again, it's a trailer cut by people at Paramount who probably have no idea what's going on with the actual story, so we have to take that into account.

Everyone keeps saying this is a new Princess Bride, but that it's not a ripoff of the Princess Bride per se, just similar in that it's a fantasy comedy adventure. While that would be nice, I think maybe by invoking the Princess Bride we are maybe setting expectations a bit high, though in this current climate of being completely unable to discuss something in original terms, I suppose the Princess Bride would be the most ready comparison to reference.

Will the film be a diverting fantasy experience? The ultimate date movie? Or just a fantastical trainwreck? We'll find out August 10th.

It's a TRAP!

Seriously, it's a TRAP!

It is entirely possible that this post represents the high water mark of this blogging enterprise. Seriously, I'm not sure I'll ever find a clip to top this one. Thank you Seth Green and the folks at Robot Chicken. Thank you.

Another Awesome Webcomic

Dinosaur Comics is fairly unique in the world of comics, and not just for its recent semi-regular series of "Literary Technique Comics". Dinosaur Comics is the same six frames, every day, with different dialogue. On the surface, it may seem somewhat limiting, but you'd be surprised how writer Ryan North overcomes the limitations he's set for himself.

The cast generally consists of T-Rex, his potential love interest Dromiceiomimus, and Utahraptor, who oftentimes takes up a contrary viewpoint to whatever T-Rex is blathering on about. And T-Rex certainly does blather on, generally about whatever Mr. North feels like talking about on the day; philosophy, video games, relationships. Occasionally, guest stars like God, the Devil (who is very much into video games), and sometimes even creepy raccoons and cephalopods show up just out of frame; there's also the odd visit from Morris the Bug (too small to actually be seen), who tries real hard.

Ryan North himself is something of a celebrity on the Interweb, having created a website encouraging people to limit their Wikipedia vandalizing to the "chicken" page, since "dudes already know about chickens." Right now you're probably asking how that makes North a celebrity. Well, I don't know, but the Toronto Globe and Mail seemed to find it important.

One of the best things about Dinosaur Comics is that it's updated pretty much daily. Also, don't forget to roll your mouse over the comics when you're done reading them - there's often a witty punch line that is at times very funny!

Today's Video 6/26/07 - Klicky Apocalypse

Muse Week continues with their video for Invincible. I'm sorry to say I didn't see any monkeys, but near the end there are giant robotic teddy bears that eat skyscrapers, so that's something.

Finally!

You know, me and Avery Brooks have been complaining for years about there being no flying cars like the future promised us.

I am pleased to report that we are now officially living in the future.

TRAILER - Knockoffs In Disguise

By now you probably haven't heard about Transmorphers, the Transformers hack job that will be gracing video store shelves tomorrow. This from the makers of Snakes on a Train, Pirates of Treasure Island, the Da Vinci Treasure, and various other direct-to-video ripoffs. I'm going to post this trailer for purely educational purposes, as in WHAT NOT TO DO IF YOU WANT TO MAKE A FILM.

I dare say that Michael Bay has little to fear from this film.

Today's Video 6/25/07 - And There's A Monkey, Too!

This week is Muse week on Today's Video. Enjoy one of Britain's finest alt-rock bands as they make interesting and/or humourous music videos based on their overly dramatic songs. Today's video is Stockholm Syndrome, in which there is a monkey.

The Watchmen Casting Saga, Part 1

In an effort to bring every comic book property ever published to the screen, Alan Moore's Watchmen is actually - finally - going to get made. Zack Snyder, director of 300, is in charge, so it's in reasonably good hands. The problem here (there's always at least one) is that Watchmen is such a dense graphic novel that it's pretty much impossible to do it justice as a film. The best suggestion I've heard was to make a 10-hour miniseries for HBO directed by Terry Gilliam. I love Terry Gilliam to death, but there's no way a studio would let him near Watchmen; he'd eat through the budget in a week and a half. It would look awesome, though.

But they don't want to do a miniseries, they want a movie. So we'll see how that goes. Will Alan Moore finally be happy with a film adaptation of one of his stories? Probably not, but can you blame him after the League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, From Hell and V for Vendetta? (I liked V for Vendetta a lot, but let's face it, the look and feel of the comic are barely present in the film.) Snyder seems to at least want to make a film that captures the essence of the book; we shall see how it turns out.

Of course, at this early stage the best way to tell how the film is shaping up is by looking at the casting, which is happening right now. As regular readers of Death By Pop know, oftentimes films live or die based on their casting. The wrong person in a part can be at best distracting, at worst disastrous; the right person can make a film better than it has any right to be. There are a lot of rumors flying around right now, but these two roles seem to be locked up - though they remain officially unconfirmed:

Patrick Wilson as Nite Owl: I saw Wilson in the film Hard Candy and he was pretty phenomenal. He's also received accolades for his work in a film called Little Children, featuring Kate Winslet. My only gripe about this choice is that I think they're skewing a bit young for the character. But he's a good actor, so I'm not really going to complain if they're going to cast for quality over age.

Jackie Earle Haley as Rorschach: Wow. This is a gift. This guy was also in Little Children (apparently I'm going to have to see it now), in fact, he got a Best Supporting Actor nomination for his role. Honestly, I can't say I've seen him in anything before except The Bad News Bears and maybe an episode of MacGyver, and that was like a billion years ago and I only know he was in them thanks to the IMDb. But the dude is making a big time comeback, and he looks like he could certainly pass for the unmasked Rorschach. Pretty awesome, guys.

This next one may or may not happen, but officially there is an offer on the table:

Jude Law as Adrian Veidt/Ozymandias: Another excellent choice. I mean, there's not a lot of people out there that can convincingly play this kind of role, but I think if you need a guy to play a guy who's basically a golden god with an ego the size of Tokyo then I think you're going to at least have to give Jude Law a call. Tom Cruise has a big enough ego that he could probably carry the role, but who wants Tom Cruise in this movie if we can help it? Jude Law will work just fine in the role. I hope he takes it.

People who aren't going to be in Watchmen include awesome character actor Paddy Considine, who was up for Rorschach and also might have worked (but not like Haley), and Keanu Reeves, who priced himself out of the part of Dr. Manhattan. Which is just fine. Rumor has it that they're looking at Jason Patric for Dr. Manhattan, and perhaps Thomas Jane as the Comedian.

I'm not too sure about Tom Jane as the Comedian; if you read between the lines with all the casting so far it looks like an important part of the story is going to be jettisoned. Many of the superheroes in Watchmen are retired or otherwise past their prime. By making the characters younger, will the script be ignoring a large part of the story that makes Watchmen interesting? Time will tell. But I wish they'd skew a bit older because seriously,
it's not rocket science. Dennis Farina is the Comedian. Burt Reynolds might also work, but he's getting really old these days so maybe not.

It's a rare thing for a comic book film to have 100% awesome casting, but the makers of Watchmen seem to be doing pretty well. Maybe it has something to do with respect for the source material? What a novel concept. We can only hope the script is as good and accurate as the casting has been so far.

Indiana Jones Doesn't Look Too Ridiculously Old

Would you like to see an actual picture of Indiana Jones from the set of the new movie? Of course you would.

Click here!

Steven Spielberg took the picture. Neat!

Today's Video 6/22/07 - Guys, There Are Puppets!

Lightspeed Champion - Galaxy of the Lost

I don't know what the deal is either. But I like the puppets.

What?

Man, there's a lot of casting news going around these days.

Heroes, the best show on network television last year (unless you're some kind of weenie), has announced some casting for next season. The man pictured to your right is named David Anders. I was never much of an Alias guy, but he was on that show. Mr. Anders will be playing Takezo Kensei, the feudal Japanese warrior whose sword was of pivotal importance to our boy Hiro Nakamura.

Now, obviously the first question here is, "What?" followed soon after by, "Wait... what?"

Surely, Tim Kring and Co. know what they're doing, and are just trying to make things even more intriguing. Clearly, it's working already because I really want to know Kensei's deal.

Iron Man, Why Can't You Be Here Now?

A summer film that's shaping up as a winner is Iron Man, with Robert Downey Jr. as Tony Stark. This movie looks to be making all the right moves with casting, production design and just the overall feel of it. I don't even know what the plot is (beyond the obvious origin story stuff), but I just have a really good feeling about it, like they're out to make a good movie and not just a really long toy commercial.

This feeling was backed up with an Intertube scoop that let out a bit of casting news. We've already heard that Terence Howard is playing War Machine and Gwyneth Paltrow is Pepper Potts, but what we haven't heard, what we couldn't even guess because it's too awesome to even fathom, is that Nick Fury, Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D., is going to make an appearance. Who is playing Nick Fury? No, not David Hasselhoff, thank goodness.

Samuel L. Jackson. Now, this bust has been around for a few years, and probably represents the artist's wishful thinking more than anything else, but seriously, how awesome is it that this is actually going to happen (if the scoop is indeed accurate...)???

Maybe they're laying the groundwork for an Avengers film? Potentially awesome, guys! Too bad Iron Man doesn't come out until next summer. Oh, well.

TRAILER - If you need me, I'll be IN LINE FOR THIS MOVIE.

Yes, please.

Questions From Readers - June 2007

I'd like to take this opportunity to thank the readers for stopping by and asking their questions. I tried to sift through them to find some that weren't completely retarded. Most of them contained spam, death threats and profanities. Guys, you can use the blog's Comments feature for that, okay? Save the emails for legitimate questions. Like this one from Jaster Mereel of Concord Dawn:

Why are you so angry all the time and write bad reviews and otherwise spew negativity all over the Intertubes?

The simple fact is that I would love to write positive reviews of this summer's movies. Unfortunately, there's this small matter of REALITY that I have to deal with, and it's not my fault this summer's films are complete disasters. That said, in spite of the fact that I hate Michael Bay more than I hate Rosie O'Donnell, I hold out hope that the Transformers film will be awesome. If not, this summer may be a total waste filmwise. Here's a question from one "Mungo Baobab" [actual name withheld] of Edge City [actual city withheld], IA:

What do you have against lawyers? I read your review of Pirates 3 and you equated pirates with lawyers. I am a lawyer and I take exception to this. I may even sue.

I take exception to films that are advertised as swashbuckling action-adventure films where in actuality people spend most of the time standing around talking about stabbing each other in the back. And you're right, I apologize. Comparing pirates and lawyers is unkind. To pirates. Speaking of pirates, here's Captain Long John Rasputin with a question followed by a tall tale:

Ahoy Maties

I been fixen to ask ya scallywags if ya seen any sea urchins yet?

The last i've seen was a real beauty. She was attached to me rudder on my schooner the day the wind blew east across the lagoon of Endo.

Shiver me timbers that crustation was uglier than a bilge rat that crawled out of the bung hole.
If me name weren't Long John Rasputin I woulda been a scared.

I smartly reared me hornpipe out of me britches and keelhauled that salty barnacle until -
Alast, she feel back into the sea.

Me heart was a pumping and me nerves were shot.
A hearty cup o grog I needed as I sailed away.

So let that be a lesson for ya hearties,
Never weigh down anchor in the lagoon of Endo when the winds a blowin east.

I'm not sure how to reply to that, except to say that I have not, in fact, seen any sea urchins. This question is from someone named Geoffrey Fourmyle:

I kill you. I kill you filthy.

Not really a question, there, Geoff. Looks like someone's been reading a little too much Alfred Bester. Finally, a letter from a Mildred Johnson of Yakima, WA:

My young grandson reads your blog all the time. He likes all the fun videos you have, and he was also disappointed in the Spiderman movie when my husband took him to see it. Unfortunately, I had to stop him from going to your blog this week because of an awful video you put up which was so disturbing it gave Roger nightmares. I must remind you that you have a responsibility to your readers to display appropriate content at all times. Thank you.

Again, that wasn't a question, Mildred. We'll see you in July with some actual questions. But not comments - again, the blog has a whole section for that, okay?

People.

Today's Video 6/21/07 - Digital Watches!

Nipples for men?

TRAILER - The King of Kong

The reason documentaries were invented.

REVIEW - Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Bile In My Throat

With the first Fantastic Four film, I walked away pleasantly surprised at how horrible it wasn't. I fully expected a major trainwreck of the Catwoman variety, but the film we got instead was so incredibly mediocre it didn't even strive to be spectacularly awful. It was the cinematic equivalent of those Red Baron pizzas they sell at the grocery store; yeah, it's pizza, but under no circumstances would you call it "good".

So here we are with the inevitable sequel, and 20th Century Fox is content to stand pat with the director of Barbershop and no real personnel changes between the first and second films. Because seriously, why mess with mediocrity?

There were elements of the film that could actually be termed "good". For instance, I think the actors playing the Fantastic Four do a pretty good job with their characters. It is painfully obvious that Jessica Alba is not actually a blonde, but she tries real hard and it's not her fault they threw a bunch of money at her to be in these movies, so I guess we'll give her a break. It's nice to see the great Andre Braugher get some feature film work, and Stan Lee's cameo is probably his best yet. And the Silver Surfer is pretty cool.

Doug Jones is quickly gaining a reputation as a geek god after his work in Hellboy and Pan's Labyrinth. His work here is pretty awesome, giving the Surfer a grace and fluidity of motion that just plain works. If anything is wrong with the Silver Surfer in this film, it's not because of Doug Jones. If anything is wrong with the Silver Surfer in this film, it's that he's voiced by Laurence Fishburne.

Fox says they wanted "the James Earl Jones of our time," to voice the Surfer, but as far as I can tell James Earl Jones is the James Earl Jones of our time. Why they wanted the benevolent but conflicted herald of Galactus to sound like Morpheus is beyond me. Doug Jones did the voicework on set and he would have been just fine. I mean, Fishburne's work is okay, but it just seems like there were about five billion problems with this movie and the voice of the Surfer wasn't one of them.

But Doctor Doom was. Fishburne should have voiced him, seriously. LAMEST. VILLAIN. EVAR. Once again, the filmmakers demonstrate a fundamental lack of understanding regarding the character and nature of Victor Von Doom. As portrayed in the film, he is basically Darth Vader as played by Tom Cruise. He walks around for most of the movie without his mask or cape, only putting them on for (cheesy) dramatic effect. He spends hs time twirling his figurative mustache and being a bad guy with no motivation except to steal the Surfer's Power Cosmic, and then to do away with the Fantastic Four. Like most poorly-written villains, he really hasn't thought this plan through. Because Galactus is GOING TO EAT THE PLANET. All I'm saying is MAYBE YOU SHOULD RETHINK YOUR PRIORITIES, VICTOR.

Much has been made in the fanboy community over the fact that Galactus is not seen in his traditional comic book form. I think the filmmakers probably felt that a really big guy in a purple helmet and blue overalls floating through space eating planets like they were hamburgers might look a bit silly. While I agree with this, I think there may have been some creative way to stay true to the look and tone of the comic that didn't involve a big stupid dust cloud creeping through space. The effects guys did throw observant fans a bone, though - keep your eye on the planet Saturn as the cloud passes it, and you may spot a shadow of Galactus' familiar helmet. Thanks, guys.

I'm not sure if it's in Michael Chiklis' contract that The Thing has to turn human at some point in each film, or maybe the studio wants to give him some face time to remind viewers that YES HE IS THE GUY FROM THE SHIELD. Whatever it is, it's probably related to the reason Doom spends so much time looking like THE GUY FROM NIP/TUCK without his mask on, and why apparently it's necessary to get Sue Storm's clothes off in every film. The film spends so much time on characterization that doesn't really add depth to the characters (we get it, Reed's a workaholic, Sue wants a normal life, Ben's got a blind girlfriend and Johnny wants a real girlfriend but he's too busy being a jerk), that there's not so much time for action set pieces. And when there are action sequences, the viewer is distracted by some gaping plot holes. Apparently the US military has earthwide jurisdiction and can perform operations in England, Germany and Russia. Apparently Germany's Black Forest has ferns and grizzly bears. Apparently we don't need to see the last two climactic action sequences, so they stage them at dusk and at night, respectively. Easier to hide dodgy special effects that way.

Some of the effects actually were pretty good, especially the titular Silver Surfer and the Human Torch. Mr. Fantastic's rubberiness would probably look fake in real life anyway, so that's kind of a wash. But a lot of the action sequences were kind of crappy. I think a lot of it had to do with the scope of the film. Like the first one, the film looks like a CBS TV-movie instead of a summer blockbuster. The scope of the film is just so small that it makes the story feel small, even though the characters travel all over the world. You really get the feeling that these superheroes should stick to rescuing cats from trees, because they don't seem all that qualified to save the world.

Still No Flying Cars, But In The Meantime This Looks Pretty Neat

Growing up, one of my favorite toy commercial/cartoons was something called M.A.S.K., where a bunch of guys wearing superpowered masks drove regular vehicles that transformed into crazy fighting vehicles to fight similarly equipped bad guys. It was conceptually a cross between G.I. Joe and the Transformers, and I thought it was pretty neat. The leader of the good guys had a Camaro that could fly!

Another one of the vehicles was a black Corvette called Raven that turned into a boat. Did you know that you can buy one of these cars now? It's not a Corvette - it's called the Aquada, from Gibbs Technologies. It tops out at 100 MPH on land and 30 MPH in the water, and is currently available for $142,000. They also have a Humvee styled model called the Humdinga, and the Quadski - a quad that's also a jetski. Pretty awesome stuff, guys! We are living in a cartoon future RIGHT NOW.

Have Your Host Spayed or Neutered

Bob Barker, host of The Price Is Right, is retiring. The search continues to fill his shoes. They're talking to people like the guy that played J. Peterman on Seinfeld and that George Hamilton guy.

And Rosie O'Donnell.

This is a good move, potentially, and I'll tell you why: right now, who watches The Price Is Right? Bored college students, stoners, old people, the unemployed and probably the dad from Blossom. With Rosie O'Donnell hosting the show, these people will be forced to change the channel at the very least. Minutes later, they will realize that there is nothing worth watching on any channel, and they will be forced to go outside, go to the library, get jobs, or otherwise become useful, functioning members of society.

So please, by all means hire Rosie O'Donnell, The Price Is Right people. If you want people to never watch your show again...

Today's Video 6/20/07 - Come Along, You Belong

Feel the Fizz of CooCoo Cola.

Dedicated to Jman, who is in a pretty fun cult these days except instead of cola there is lingonberry sauce.

Valkyrie

I'm not a fan of Tom Cruise. In fact, I pretty much can't stand the guy. When he's in a movie, you know EXACTLY what you're going to get. You're going to get Tom Cruise the fighter pilot. Tom Cruise the vampire. Tom Cruise the futuristic police detective. Tom Cruise the race car driver. Tom Cruise with a bad Irish accent. I could go on, but mercifully I won't. My point is, every time he's in a film, he plays himself.

This is not acting.

My point (and there is one) is that these days it takes a lot for me to be excited about an upcoming Tom Cruise film. Like, really a lot.

I am excited about an upcoming Tom Cruise film.

First, the director and writer of The Usual Suspects are teaming up again. Bryan Singer has proven himself as a solid director with Apt Pupil and the first two X-Men films. These are people who know what they are doing. What kind of film are they making, you may ask? The plot, in one sentence:

A group of Nazi generals plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler.

Now, this all sounds really good, but Tom Cruise is in it, so won't it be all messed up? THIS IS A STATISTICAL IMPOSSIBILITY. Why? Because check out the rest of the cast:

Kenneth Branagh, Carice Van Houten, Tom Wilkinson, Bill Nighy, and Eddie Izzard.

With that cast, they could put Carrot Top in this movie and it would still pretty much rule.

Actors Patrick Wilson and Stephen Fry are also in negotiations to be in the film; if Fry is in this then this could possibly be the greatest cast ever assembled for a film. Even with Carrot Top and Tom Cruise.

Today's Video 6/19/07 - I'm In A Mood Today. Sorry.

Guys, I'm in a pretty crappy mood, so I'm going to share this video with you.

Maybe you won't have nightmares.
Maybe.

TRAILER - Fido

What's not to love?

Today's Video 6/14/07 - The Awesomest CG Animation Short Ever?

There won't be a Today's Video on Friday, so this one's two days supply of fried gold.

Mad props to Jman!

Mass Media Perpetuates the Concept of Women In Refrigerators

So I was reading the paper today, and I come across this article which is pretty much 20th Century Fox's pathetic attempt at damage control, explaining away any box office failure that Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer may encounter and pointing the finger at misogynistic fanboys.

Basically, what this article tells us is that comic book fans are willing to shell out big bucks to go see films with male superheroes, but will completely ignore female superhero films. Guys, this is all complete BALONEY and I will tell you why. Let's dismantle the article's arguments one by one.

Yeah, this thing really got me riled up.

First, this genius statement:

Comic devotees plunk down plenty of cash for critically trashed movies with men at their heart, from Ghost Rider ($115 million) to Daredevil ($102 million) to franchise-crushers such as Batman and Robin ($107 million).

Did they just accuse fanboys of helping to inflate the box office grosses of these three films?

Okay. First of all, comic-book films are critic-proof. If it's promoted well, people will determine for themselves whether it's worth seeing or not. As for Batman and Robin, I'm not sure what their point was here since this was a summer blockbuster that had a very wide non-comic fan appeal (until people actually saw it). Daredevil had Ben Affleck, which, sadly, means that a lot of people go to see his movies as a matter of course, whatever they may be. I don't get it, either. Ghost Rider had a guy with a flaming skull riding a motorcycle, which - seriously - has mass universal appeal. We're dealing with not just the comic-book audience here, guys. Sometimes, actual human beings who are not comic book fans do go to the movies. For real! In fact, all three of these films were much maligned within the fanboy community, so I'm not sure why the article would accuse the fanboy community of contributing to their successes.

Next, we make a seemingly logical comparison:

Women as superheroes are a tougher sell — like Catwoman ($40 million) or Elektra ($24 million).

Makes sense, right?

Sure, except for the fact that 1) Catwoman had NOTHING to do with the comic AT ALL, was widely hailed as an abomination before shooting even started, and was poorly marketed upon release; and 2) Elektra starred the horribly miscast Jennifer Garner, it was an unnecessary sequel to a movie that most people tried to forget (and let's not forget that Elektra in fact DIED in Daredevil), and it too was poorly marketed upon release. So they're comparing three films that have mass-market appeal with two spinoff films that bear little resemblance to their source material. Just so we're clear.

Also, both Elektra and Catwoman probably belong more in the female action film category than the comic-book movie category since they bear so little resemblance to their source material. They also share more similarities with a film like Underworld than they would, say, Hulk. Also, are you saying that fanboys won't see female action films? Didn't they make a sequel to Underworld?

Then the article realizes that it's full of crap and admits it:

That makes the Fantastic Four franchise something of a puzzle. The first film released in 2005 earned $154 million with Jessica Alba in the role of Sue Storm, the backbone of the team. And expectations for Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer will be just as high when the movie opens Friday.

Now, I saw the first Fantastic Four movie. It wasn't great; in fact it was really really mediocre. But at the end of the day, it was a Fantastic Four movie. With the exception of their complete mishandling of Doctor Doom, the filmmakers stayed fairly true to the look and story of the comic. Just in a very mediocre fashion.

Then comes this statement from G4TV's Blair Butler, who is not helping:

"There's a bias against comic-book movies with women in big roles," says Blair Butler, a commentator for the G4TV network, which is aimed at video gamers and comic-book devotees.

"That may be because fanboys are, well, boys," Butler says. "They like women in distress or supporting roles — or in a bondage outfit with open-toed stilettos like Catwoman. It's nice to see this (franchise) give Sue Storm a strong role and an outfit that covers her body."

This entire statement is so disgustingly and unwaveringly incorrect that I have no idea where to begin.

There is a bias against comic-book movies with women in big roles. There is a bias against ANY movies with women in big roles that are not romantic comedies. This bias lies, not with the fanboys, but with the motion picture industry.

Also, one thing fanboys do when they're not downloading pictures of Sarah Michelle Gellar is to discuss their favorite films/comics/shows endlessly with like-minded fellow fanboys. And while there certainly are endless debates over which female characters are hotter, generally most debates are far more cerebral and story-based than G4TV's Blair Butler is giving credit for. For shame, you represent geek culture - get it together, woman!

And as for this liking of women in distress - one of the most frustrating things I've seen this summer was Mary Jane being put into peril so Spider-Man could save her. Again. In this dangerous world we live in, I think it would be nice to have the stakes a little higher than a woman in distress for the climax of a film. I speak here as a fanboy, okay?

Further evidence that Ms. Butler is being paid by Fox is her reference to the Fantastic Four films giving Jessica Alba a costume that "covers her body." Here, we're apparently meant to believe that Fox is taking some kind of moral high road, when in fact they are a company that exists to make money. And one sure way to make money is to have Jessica Alba prance around in a blue leotard for 90 minutes. Sure, it "covers her body", but I gotta tell you, it leaves little to the imagination. I'm certainly not complaining, I'm just saying. Also, didn't the first movie have that gag where she'd go invisible but her clothing wouldn't, so she'd have to strip down and later on reappear NAKED? Pretty awesome, but not exactly the "strong female role" we're talking about here.

And then they contradict themselves again by picking on Wonder Woman:

"Certainly, a lot of the comic world is from the male perspective," says Rob Worley of Comics2Film.com. "You look at the way, say, Wonder Woman is drawn, and it's done from a very stereotypical perspective. She is drawn to match the male fantasy."

So you're saying the ladies don't like Superman's physique?

Listen, if everybody in comics looked like the witch from Snow White, nobody would read comics. Since forever, the dudes have been pretty jacked, and the ladies have been pretty. There is a certain aesthetic that needs to be maintained, and while over the last 20 or so years I think a lot of the artwork has kind of gone off the rails with some of the overmuscleizing and T&A content, I think it's been fairly equal opportunity. I don't know what's wrong with guys having something to look at and girls having strong female characters to look up to, and vice versa. They're both getting the same good story when they buy the comic. What I'm saying here is it works in both directions, people. The feminists may cry "unrealistic stereotypes" because they don't look like Power Girl; well, I don't look like Wolverine, okay? Somehow I deal with it and get on with my life - you can too.

Notice that the above quote from Mr. Worley doesn't mention the fact that Wonder Woman is a strong female character. Probably the strongest female character in all of comics. A character who, I may add, has yet to get a feature film of her own despite the fact that she still sells lots of comics and had a successful TV show back in the day. So it's obvious that the fanboys are still on board with Wonder Woman, and she's still very much in the collective consciousness of pop culture; why not try a Wonder Woman film?

BECAUSE HOLLYWOOD IS IN FACT AFRAID OF STRONG FEMALE CHARACTERS.

PROVE ME WRONG, HOLLYWOOD. I DARE YOU.

And finally, here is probably the most annoying sentence of the article (which is saying something):

[Jessica] Alba believes one way to attract moviegoers to female superheroes is to worry less about die-hard comic fans.

She sells us right down the river.

Let me explain something here. With the bigger properties, like Batman, Spider-Man, Superman, etc., you can't ignore the fanboys because we're all fanboys. You can make some changes here and there, but you can't put nipples on the Batsuit, give Superman a kid, or make the symbiote cause Peter Parker to turn into John Travolta. You are messing with the tone of the story and it's obvious to even casual observers, because we all know how it should be.

With somewhat smaller properties, say The Punisher or Constantine, you can't ignore the fanboys because your fanboys are going to make or break the film thanks to this series of tubes called InterNet. If it's true to the source material, or the adaptation is acceptable, you'll get some good buzz and off you go. If you mess with stuff and put Keanu Reeves in your movie, you'll be immediately behind the 8-ball because word will spread like a virus and people will know to stay away from your movie because surely it must suck like a Dyson if the Intertubes say so. If you want to make your own movie, make your own movie - don't come up with your own story and then just slap "Catwoman" on it because you think it'll sell better. It won't - it's not Catwoman. THIS IS PROVABLE FACT.

To summarize: You people in the article are all wrong. Strong female characters can work just fine in films, as the article itself points out; the real problem is with the studios. They need to do a better job of promotion, and for pity's sake JUST STAY TRUE TO YOUR SOURCE MATERIAL.

I will keep saying this until someone listens.

The Hulk Sequel Casting News You've Been Waiting For!

I'm nothing if not sarcastic.

William Hurt has been cast as Gen. "Thunderbolt" Ross in the upcoming sequel to that Hulk movie from a few years back. I understand that they're clearing the decks on this and starting fresh, but how do you replace Sam Elliott? Not with William Hurt. The guy's a decent actor, but he's so lethargic it's ridiculous.

I wasn't crazy about the first Hulk movie, but I thought the cast was pretty solid. Eric Bana was okay, and how can you go wrong with Jennifer Connelly? Mostly I think the problem with the first film was that Ang Lee's direction was a little too crazy for much of the audience, and the plot requirements inherent in an introductory film slowed the pacing down. Hulk has the potential for a seemingly endless string of sequels (which is why it lent itself so well to a TV show back in the day), and since the first film got all the origin story heavy lifting out of the way, the filmmakers are free to do pretty much whatever they want. This should make for a better movie.

However, aside from Tim Roth (who is The Man) playing Abomination, I can't say I'm sold on the casting this time around. I like Edward Norton a lot, and I guess he'll work as Bruce Banner, but I'm really not feeling it. And casting Liv Tyler as Betty Ross just feels like they wanted Jennifer Connelly without getting Jennifer Connelly. The director is Louis Leterrier, who made the Transporter films, so at least the action will be good? Maybe?

Death and Science

Guys, Mr. Wizard died.

I used to watch Mr. Wizard when I was a kid. He had a show on Nickelodeon that was on at like 6 in the morning (this was back when I would actually voluntarily wake up early in the morning to watch cartoons). He was always wearing plaid shirts and sweaters. For the life of me, I can't remember most of the experiments he did. I think I recall something about cooking a hot dog with a lantern battery? And maybe some stuff with balloons and static electricity, and the obligatory volcano that spews forth a mixture of ammonia and bleach - no wait, that's toxic. Baking soda and vinegar. I don't know.

Clearly, I didn't take a whole lot away from the show that's stuck with me until now, but if nothing else it did instill in me a fondness for watching people do crazy stuff with ordinary household items. In fact, you could say that half the shows on the Discovery Channel (and maybe even all educational television?) owe their existence to Mr. Wizard, who started making science TV shows way back in the 50s.

Don Herbert, TVs Mr. Wizard, was 89. How did he live so long? SCIENCE.

Today's Video 6/13/07 - Why Is He Laying In The Sidewalk???

Radiohead - Just

Seriously guys, it's been bugging me for like ten years now.

Your New Favorite Webcomic

xkcd is a really great webcomic that bills itself as "a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math and language." Really though, it's a webcomic of romance, sarcasm, math, language and awesomeness. The guy behind xkcd is named Randall Munroe, and he likes to write about his fear of being attacked by raptors, math and computer programming stuff that's probably over your head (it's certainly over mine) but is still funny, and various other bits of observational humor. On the surface it might seem like another geekcentric webcomic catering to particle physicists and logicians, but what's missing from the others xkcd has in spades: heart. xkcd is challenging, educational, but most of all it's true.
I think this is probably my favorite xkcd comic:
I am totally doing this someday.

Today's Video 6/12/07 - I Would Rather See This Movie

Sleepless In Seattle

But Was It Ever Really Cute To Begin With?

[UPDATED - THAT EARLIER PIC WAS NOT THE PIC THAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE. SORRY, GUYS.] Again, Paris Hilton forces me to give her space on the blog. Paris, you are in prison - can't you just stay there quietly?

After a brief vacation, she's back in prison. Apparently, this whole ordeal has put her through the wringer and she's a changed woman! Or, as she said yesterday to Barbara Walters:

"I used to act dumb. ... That act is no longer cute."

NO KIDDING, LADY.

As regular readers will recall, I discussed here the idea that Paris Hilton may not be as stupid as she seemed. Here is further proof, by her own admission, that this may in fact be the case. Then again, it's easy to act stupid if you actually are. The only way for Miss Hilton to prove her case for intelligence would be to release an English-Paris Paris-English reference dictionary. Let's get going on this, okay? I'm sick of talking about it.

Today's Video 6/11/07 - Who Am I To Disagree?

Eurythmics - Sweet Dreams

WHAT IS UP WITH THE COWS, GUYS?
What is up with them?

Today, We Shail Into Hishtory

Sean Connery has officially passed on being in the new Indiana Jones film (tentatively titled Indiana Jones and the Unnecessary Fourth Installment).

After appearing in the celluloid insanity that was The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Connery had stated that he was retiring and boatloads of cash would not get him out of retirement - only offers to do Bond work or play Henry Jones Senior if the script was right. He's been doing voice work for a few Bond video games in the meantime, and now it seems the Indy 4 script wasn't what he was looking for. Looks like LXG will be Connery's final film. This is a tragedy surpassed only by the final films of Raul Julia (Street Fighter) and Orson Welles (the animated Transformers: The Movie).

In happier Indy 4 news, Cate Blanchett, Ray Winstone and John Hurt have all signed on to be in the film. I've been rather apprehensive about the prospects of this useless film, but I'll watch John Hurt read the phone book (the man is pretty awesome, guys) so I guess there's at least something positive to look forward to beyond the further pillaging of my childhood in an unnecessary sequel cash grab.

But back to Connery. His passing on the Indy 4 part means we probably won't see him again on the big screen. His larger than life presence will certainly be missed, but at least he's going out on his own terms. I'll end this post with one of my favorite Connery scenes. Enjoy, and vaya con carne, Sir Mr. Connery!

Today's Video 6/8/07 - I Just Sold You For a Cigarette - And I Don't Smoke!

If a Team Wins the Stanley Cup, But No One Sees It, Do They Still Win?

The Anaheim Ducks won the Stanley Cup last night. Does anyone know this?

Does anyone care?

It used to be, hockey was one of the "four major sports" (in descending order: football, baseball, basketball and hockey). But these days, with the sports market so fragmented and the rise of NASCAR to rival even football's popularity, hockey seems to have been lost in the shuffle. If you were ranking sport popularity today, wrestling, ultimate fighting, soccer and golf would probably be ahead of hockey.

NBC has been carrying some playoff games for the past few years, and probably wishes they weren't. Last night's game got a dismal 2.5 share, and Game 3 of the Finals - on a Saturday night, no less - received a 1.1 national rating. That matched a rerun of "The West Wing" on July 23, 2005, which also drew a 1.1 rating. Which is NBC's record low in ratings. Saturday's rating was down 31 percent from last year's Game 3 between Edmonton and Carolina, which had a 1.6. During the Eastern Conference Finals, a Saturday afternoon game went into overtime and threatened to run into NBC's pre-game coverage of the Preakness. So NBC threw the game over to the Versus network and got on with regularly scheduled programming.

NHL playoff sudden-death overtime hockey was pre-empted for pregame coverage of a horse race, guys.

And why not? Who's going to notice, apart from maybe some shut-ins in Minnesota? And maybe the professional bull-riding fans who got their stuff on Versus pre-empted by NHL playoff sudden-death overtime hockey.

A few years ago, the NHL had a labor dispute with its players. They ended up not having an entire season. This was very educational for a lot of people. The players learned that the owners don't much care about them, and their families need to eat. The owners learned that they didn't lose any money, but didn't make any either. But most importantly, the fans - those people who pay for the ridiculously overpriced nosebleed seats, authentic jerseys with their favorite (unfortunately recently traded away) player's name on the back, and $7 beers - realized that without hockey, they had a lot more time and money. They did things like spend time with their families, go outside, plant a garden, go on vacation, build a ship in a bottle. Now that hockey is back (and, if the refs can keep it honest, faster than ever), is there any compelling reason to watch hockey when you and your kids could be reenacting the Battle of Trafalgar with LEGOs?

Well, you wouldn't know it by watching the NHL's attempts at marketing itself. It's good to sell the game by using its likeable players in funny situations, but you need to sell the players and the game. Win back the old fans and recruit new ones by showing how awesome the game is. What a novel concept!

For instance, the average person probably hasn't seen Alexander Ovechkin's 32nd goal of the year in the 05/06 season. If I were the NHL, I would make sure every man, woman and child had seen that goal. I would have flooded the airwaves with the clip, pictures of it would have been on billboards - it would have been more ubiquitous than Paris Hilton. Watch this goal, it is crazy.Ovechkin is a great personality and an exceptional talent, but mostly the average person who doesn't watch hockey but has seen him on TV knows that he has trouble with vending machines. And oh yeah, he plays hockey.Of course, the league could always try to use celebrities taking pictures with the Stanley Cup to try to sell the sport...

Maybe it would have been better if she had her picture taken with the Cup when she didn't look 100% stoned. I dunno, I'm just sayin'.

It's a fun sport to watch, and with the wide screen and clarity of HDTV, it's going to be an even funner sport to watch once the format takes over. Unfortunately, none of this matters because no one cares. Except for Canadians, but they don't count, they'll always love hockey. They've got kids playing pond hockey on the back of their money, for Pete's sake!

Today's Video 6/7/07 - All I Ever Knew...

Yazoo - Only You

TRAILER - Paprika

Paprika is the latest anime film from Satoshi Kon, of Millennium Actress, Tokyo Godfathers and Paranoia Agent fame. I've read and seen a few things about this film, and everything points to it being totally insane, most likely in a really neat way.

But Who Will Play Snarf?

According to this article in Variety, Warner Bros. has optioned a script for a live-action Thundercats movie. The basic synopsis sounds like a solid idea; here's hoping they don't screw it up. Because I'm pretty sure a live-action Thundercats movie that's true to the source material would probably be totally awesome.

Today's Video 6/6/07 - I'll See It When I Believe It

I saw the tapes. Boy, oh boy!!

The Other Side of Paris Hilton?

We all know that Paris Hilton is a disgusting parasite latched on to the seedy underbelly of pop culture, a larger-than-life fabrication transcending reality which has become an inescapable tabloid certainty, and a soulless media whore. So why am I even bringing her up?

Hang on a second. There is a reason.

I was bored and I saw a link for an article about how Paris Hilton's prison uniform was ALREADY on eBay. Wondering how this could be when she'd been there for only a day so far, I chose to take a look at the article. Apparently the eBay posting is complete with seller's spelling errors (“She demanded a femal (sic) med and they didnt (sic) fit!”) for an extra air of "legitimacy", but what made me stop and reread what I'd just read was this sentence:

Hilton’s former party pal, Bijou Phillips, Monday told Howard Stern that Hilton has invented her own language which she sometimes uses to insult people.

That's right, PARIS HILTON HAS INVENTED HER OWN LANGUAGE. Guys, inventing a language is a sign of intelligent life. Does this mean that Paris Hilton has a brain? Must we afford her the same degree of respect as Koko the gorilla?

This of course leads to other questions. What sort of language is it? Is it Latin-based, or possibly a sort of ig-pay atin-lay? Is it a totally original construct, or more of an Esperanto? I imagine Paris and an unfortunate cellmate are having a discussion right now similar to this one:

I'm not sure what this means at all, and it leaves my reality on shaky ground. If I can't believe that Paris Hilton is a completely brainless idiot, what of the other universal constants? Gravity? The speed of light? Atomic time? 2 + 2? This throws everything into doubt. She might actually know what a Dalek is!

The lesson here is that no matter how bored you are and however curious the article may seem, don't click on it because it can turn your world completely upside down.

Zeitgeist, Indeed

Like the unexpected but not unwelcome return of an old friend you haven't seen in years, the Smashing Pumpkins slide in with their new album Zeitgeist. You can check out their new single "Tarantula" on the radio if you're fortunate enough to have a local station that will play them, or you can just click here. I think it's pretty good, and I'm about to be crushed under the subtext of this article so I'll stop now. Hi there.

Good going on all the coincidences, guys.

Zeitgeist hits the streets July 10, 2007. While you're picking it up, why not get the new CD from Interpol, Our Love to Admire. Makes a great gift!

A Ninja Agrees With Me

I've gotten a lot of complaints that all I ever write are negative reviews. Guys, I've written two reviews here so far. For summer movies that both happened to be pretty lame. Maybe I should post my Batman Begins review from like last summer or whenever it was, just to show that I can and do write positive reviews? I dunno.

Be that as it may, at least a ninja agrees with my sentiments re: Lawyers of the Caribbean: At World's End.

Then again, ninjas and pirates are kind of sworn enemies, so perhaps Ask a Ninja is perpetuating some sort of bias? A ninja with an agenda???

Today's Video 6/5/07 - Words Are Very Unnecessary

Depeche Mode - Enjoy the Silence (2004 Mike Shinoda Remix)

Guys, this video is pretty awesome.

NO KIDDING

I'm not sure if you can believe this, but KIDS CAN POTENTIALLY GET HURT WEARING THOSE HEELYS ROLLER SHOES.

In other news, millions of people are returning their cars because sometimes people get killed in car accidents. Also, people are leaving the cities in droves because sometimes people blow up buildings...

Common sense seems to be at a premium these days.

ClearChannel is teh suk

Do you listen to last.fm or one of those other internet radio thingies? If so, you may be interested in this bit-tech article, which talks about the RIAA's attempts to force huge royalty charges on internet radio in an attempt to price them out of business. For many, internet radio is the last refuge of good and decent music. The above article does a pretty good job of explaining exactly what the RIAA is playing at, and spotlights a few of ClearChannel's commercial tactics (can you believe they coordinate the timing of their advertising between their stations?).

It's the simplest things that you take for granted when they're gone. Who knew that in ten years the face of radio would be changed so completely that Britney Spears would force the Smashing Pumpkins to break up, alternative rock stations would change format to Hip Hop/R&B, the next attempt at a swing revolution would be spearheaded by Christina Aguilera, and good new music would have to be hunted down like the Loch Ness Monster?

(Hey, why didn't you write anything about that recent Loch Ness Monster sighting? you may ask. Well, this latest sighting is HARDLY CONCLUSIVE.)

What I really want to know is why they can put music from bands like Goldfrapp or the Postal Service on about a billion commercials, but their actual songs don't get played on the radio in my area? But they'll play fifteen different Akon songs all day long, because that's okay...

Today's Video 6/4/07 - Shining

The power of editing. And Peter Gabriel. And manipulation of context.

Insert "Demon On Wheels" Reference Here

Here's a first look at the Mach 5 from the Wachowski Brothers' upcoming live-action Speed Racer film, coming next summer.
Looks pretty darn good to me! Also, this article in USAToday informs us that Chim Chim will be played by a real chimpanzee (no Jar Jar Binks action here). That's some good news, and here's hoping they can manage to stay true to the source material.

The release of this photo should finally lay to rest the longstanding internet rumor that Rosie O'Donnell has been cast as Spritle. She'd never fit in the trunk of that car.

Today's Video 6/1/07 - This Never Happens At My Local Library

Tears For Fears - Head Over Heels

What's so great about this video?

-It takes place in a library
-There's a monkey in it and he is awesome
-Librarian Chick has HUGE 80s glasses
-Biker Dude Keyboard Player plays a flying keyboard with one finger
-All the cards fly out of the card catalog
-There is some excellent crane work
-What is up with Gas Mask Lady?
-Hasidic Jewish Drummer is crazy
-Guys, there is a TWIST ENDING!