Karaoke Pro Tips

Karaoke is a fun pastime. Some people feel like they can’t do it (which is why karaoke venues often found within spitting distance of a bottle of something) or otherwise display feelings of inadequacy with regards to performing in front of scores of oblivious drunks. But I have discovered some secret guidelines that will make your karaoke experience an enjoyable one for everyone, including that drunk guy in the Yankees jersey who keeps yelling about how he’s your biggest fan just because you happened to do a serviceable job on “Tiny Dancer”. So here are some Pro Tips from a seasoned amateur.

1. There are two right ways and a wrong way to perform karaoke.

People think you just go up there and do it, and it can be absolutely that simple. However, with a little bit of forethought, you can make the experience even better. Note the following scenarios, and think about your own personal style and skill level.

Right Way #1: If you are a “completely tone-deaf” to “not great” level singer, choose a song that’s not too difficult and BELT IT OUT LIKE YOU’RE PRE-CRACK WHITNEY HOUSTON. This may require liquid courage; apply as needed while observing due caution.

Right Way #2: If you are a “decent” to “totally awesome” level singer, use your powers of effective song selection (more on that below) to sing something that will be sure to impress your friends and acquaintances. Knock ‘em dead.

Wrong Way: Sheepishly walk up to the microphone, tell everyone you’re going to sing a song, then sing some godawful adult contemporary song no one has ever heard, at a volume level barely above a whisper. Run off crying halfway through.

The most important thing to remember about karaoke is that you are performing for an audience. What determines whether or not you’ve done a “good job” is the audience reaction. The good singers will do well pretty much automatically, so they have less to worry about. But here’s the secret to a good performance: enthusiasm. Without setting fire to your hair or turning “Total Eclipse of the Heart” into a Janis Joplin-style drug-addled digression, the crowd just really wants to see people having fun singing their favorite songs. If you’re enjoying yourself, it’ll come through in the performance. Belt it out, go a little crazy, have fun with it. Fun is infectious.

2. Song selection is important.

The crowd cannot accurately judge your karaoke skills if they have no frame of reference. Karaoke is a communal experience; by singing an obscure song, you disconnect yourself from the audience. Take a look at the crowd, and pick something you’re all going to enjoy. Songs of the 70s and 80s are especially good choices right now.

It’s also important to pick a song THAT YOU CAN ACTUALLY PERFORM. Personal taste aside, Steve Perry is a really good singer, and the karaoke staple “Don’t Stop Believin” is probably not a good idea for most people. They usually don’t realize it, though, until they’re up there and they have to sing “in the niiiiiiiiiiiiight” and it sounds like a feline holocaust. Try, if possible, to pick a song that’s at least in your vocal range.

This isn’t to say that you’re 100% limited in what you can sing. If you’re willing to go up there and fail on “Don’t Stop Believin”, go right ahead. In fact, oftentimes it can be even more entertaining to go for the intentional fail. Just know ahead of time that you probably won’t be able to hit some notes, plan to cover the discrepancy somehow, and make sure the crowd knows you’re doing your best.

One place where people often go wrong is with rap music. It is absolutely possible to do rap, but you need madder skillz than most. Many a green, gill-drunk karaoke amateur has tried to rap, and there are just as many shipwrecks. It is absolutely imperative that you know a rap song inside and out ahead of time, since the words on the screen will come and go too quickly to actually follow. If you must, the Beastie Boys would be your best bet, I guess. Maybe the Fat Boys? In general, though, I don’t recommend rap for good karaoke times. In my experience, it has only ever ended in failure.

3. We’re all in the same boat.

Sometimes there are a few jerks in the crowd, but, generally speaking, even the surlier karaoke crowds are going to be supportive, as long as you follow the rules. Remember that everyone is at least a little bit nervous, even the ringers and the pros. Be supportive of others when it’s their turn. Keep the heckling to a minimum and/or keep it good-natured. Sing along if you like, but - my goodness - don’t steal the microphone, it’s not your turn.

4. Liquid courage can only take you so far.

It’s not a coincidence that karaoke usually happens in bars and other alcohol-peddling establishments. But it’s important to remember that alcohol has its place. And while it’s true that things like excessive consumption and public drunkenness are not really good things to do (to say nothing of driving while intoxicated), I’m not here to get on my high horse and lecture about the evils of the bottle. We’re talking about karaoke here, and embarrassing ourselves. Or, more to the point, embarrassing ourselves on purpose. Not by accident.

Each individual knows their limits, but when it comes to karaoke and liquid courage, it’s not about limits. It’s about performance ability. How many drinks will it take you to loosen up to perform? How many before you can’t feel your face/lips/tongue/legs? There’s such a thing as loosening up but if you go too far, all of a sudden it’s Jim Morrison Night and you’re getting carried out of the bar because you told a room full of people, some of whom used to be your friends, that the Romulans are the cause of all the wars in the world and then you vomited into a potted vinyl fig tree. Whether or not you can actually sing, if you’re up there slurring the lyrics and stumbling around it’s not a great scene. People are worried that you might fall and hurt yourself (or, even worse, hurt them), and might forget to have a good time. But they’ll all take video and show you later. You, or the cops. Keep tabs on your intake and be responsible.

So those are a few tips to keep in mind that might make your karaoke experience more enjoyable. But above all, remember to HAVE FUN.

The Best Films of the 2000s, Part Three

So here we are, at the end of the line. The 2000s, the decade of endless terrorism and American Idol, sifted, sorted and quantified, and now we are down to five films. The Top Five Films. The Final Five Films. Here they are, in ascending order:

5. Primer (2004)

“Are you hungry? I haven't eaten since later this afternoon.”

I still don’t know what happened, but I am assured that it does make sense. I wish Shane Carruth would make another film; I love a good puzzle box movie, as long as it’s solvable (*throws an accusatory glance at Donnie Darko*). And yes, yes, it was made for $7,000 (not a typo).

4. Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow (2004)

“Alert the amphibious squadron!”

Getting the look and feel of a 1930s film from an alternate universe can’t be easy. Director Kerry Conran was somehow able to translate his vision to the big screen, and there was no defect in it. When your weakest link is Gwyneth Paltrow, and only because she’s playing the annoying plucky-reporter-type she’s supposed to be playing, this is a sign of a well-crafted piece of filmed entertainment. Pretty much any complaint you can come up with about the film can be chalked up to intended elements of its mise-en-scene, so you can say that as a film it did exactly what it set out to do. Unfortunately, 21st century audiences weren’t really down with that. And I will forever hate them for it.

3. Michael Clayton (2007)

“You are the senior litigating partner of one of the largest, most respected law firms in the world. You are a legend.”
“I'm an accomplice!”
“You're a manic-depressive!”
“I am Shiva, the god of death.”

I really enjoyed Michael Clayton. Sometimes people give me crap about how I "only like genre films", and I think what it boils down to is that genre filmmakers take the time to flesh out their characters and create a world, and the rom-coms and cop dramas rarely take the time to make their characters more than the standard cardboard cutouts we’ve seen a thousand times. This is why we all get excited when a blockbuster guy like Tom Cruise steps a bit out of the box and does something like Magnolia, for example. Or his surprising turn in Tropic Thunder. I’m not saying that writer/director Tony Gilroy creates a world here per se, but the characters in the film are living, breathing people, well shaded and intensely performed. In a lot of ways, Michael Clayton is a very small film; there aren’t many characters and the timeline is somewhat compressed for such a potboiler. But there are a number of amazing performances here, not least of which belong to Tom Wilkinson and Academy Award winner Tilda Swinton.

2. Kontroll (2003)

“Dad, do you think I’m weird?”
“Fortunately, yes.”

Is it my love of mass transit - particularly fluorescently-lit subway systems - that keeps me coming back to Kontroll? Is it the scenes of humorous interaction with the passengers, or Béla the train driver played by the guy from Radiohead’s “Karma Police” video? Maybe it’s the girl in the teddy bear suit, or the mysteries of why our hero Bulscú is down there and the identity of the mysterious hooded figure that keeps pushing people in front of trains. Maybe it’s the cinematography, heavy on sodium lamps and fluorescent lighting. Writer/director Nimród Antal stocked his debut film with everything but the kitchen sink (there is a bathroom sink, though) and it is one amazing ride on the Budapest Metro.

Yes, this is it. No drumrolls, please, this is serious.

1. The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou (2004)

“The Arctic Night-lights. ‘As if the natural world's been turned upside down.’ - Lord Mandrake. Vikram, get some cutaways of this miracle. Klaus, Ogata, put out the deck fires before we sink.”

The Life Aquatic is a lot of things. It’s the story of a man struggling to keep his ragtag team together against impossible odds. It’s one man’s search for a father. It’s one reluctant father’s coming to terms with said fatherhood, and a single mother coming to terms with all the things single motherhood entails. It’s a bond company stooge going above and beyond the call of duty. It’s a pair of dolphins who are smarter than they look, and David Bowie songs sung in Portuguese. But above all, it’s the story of an oceanographic documentary filmmaker who’s equal parts Jacques Cousteau and a low-rent Buckaroo Banzai attempting to blow up a jaguar shark with dynamite after his mentor is eaten. That sentence doesn't parse very well, but I'm sticking with it anyway. Because I believe it.

I’m not sure why The Life Aquatic resonated with me so much. The family themes throughout the film are typical of Wes Anderson and co-screenwriter Noah Baumbach’s work, but there’s something more here. It might have something to do with how much I relate to Steve Zissou and his issues, despite the fact that I am not in any way an oceanographic filmmaker. I don’t know. The Life Aquatic affected me on a weirdly intimate level that few films have been able to reach, and that I can't entirely explain.

So there you have it. An entire decade, thousands of films (and NetFlix tells me I watched nearly that many in the last 7 years), and it all boils down to this. Sorry for the anticlimacticness of it all. No, that's not a real word.

The Best Films of the 2000s, Part Two

Here, we continue our rundown with our picks for numbers 10 through 6 of the Best Films of the last decade (hence the title). Without further adooooots, here we go:

10. Moon (2009)

“I'm here to keep you safe, Sam. I want to help you.”

Not much to say that hasn't already been said, especially since I want to attempt to preserve the awesome plot twist that’s probably already been spoiled for you. Sam Rockwell performs impossible acting tasks with ease. Duncan Jones uses models instead of CGI. Kevin Spacey does his best HAL impression. Benedict Wong has a cameo. Yes, Moon is truly awesome.

9. The Dark Knight (2008)

“I'll show you. When the chips are down, these ‘civilized people’, they'll eat each other. I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve.”

Should this be higher on the list? Heath Ledger’s performance aside (he’s in his own world here), I’m not sure The Dark Knight holds up 100% over time. It could be half an hour shorter (though where exactly you can cut from, I’m not sure; you can probably start with some of the ferry sequence, though) and maybe it should have left Two-Face’s resolution to the next film. Still, in Nolan we trust: it has probably the decade’s best action sequence (the motorcade through Lower 5th Street) and some solid performances. I’m not all down on The Dark Knight; it is for sure an awesome film, I just think that maybe it’s not the BESTEST MOVIEEEE EVARRRRR that we all thought it was when we saw it in the theater. I blame the Pencil Trick for blowing our collective minds.


8. Donnie Darko (2001)

“Donnie Darko…sounds like some kind of superhero.”
“Who says I’m not?”

Speaking of blowing our collective minds: hindsight (and the disappointingly explanatory yet only slightly less incomprehensible Director’s Cut) tells us that Richard Kelly didn’t even understand what he made, but what fun it was trying to figure it all out. What was the deal with Frank and all that time travel stuff and SparkleMotion and Patrick Swayze’s brave performance and the great 80s soundtrack…hey, that’s Seth Rogen!

7. Inglourious Basterds (2009)

“…a German soldier conducts a search of a house suspected of hiding Jews. Where does the hawk look? He looks in the barn, he looks in the attic, he looks in the cellar, he looks everywhere he would hide. But there's so many places it would never occur to a hawk to hide. However, the reason the Führer's brought me off my Alps in Austria and placed me in French cow country today is because it does occur to me. Because I'm aware what tremendous feats human beings are capable of once they abandon dignity.”

I’ve been kind of down on Tarantino’s stuff post-Pulp Fiction (and, in truth, his only film that I really, really like unreservedly is Reservoir Dogs), but he shows a maturity here that I found surprising. I guess it comes with making a period film – yet, despite the WWII setting, he still manages to make numerous pop culture references and the film’s soundtrack features some anachronistic music. There is still the requisite Tarantino ultraviolence, but it’s difficult to sympathize a whole lot with Nazis being scalped, slaughtered en masse or beaten with baseball bats, and each incident generally takes place after half an hour of tense, engrossing dialogue. And Tarantino has created one of the best film villains ever in Col. Hans Landa, the Jew Hunter. The guy is Boba Fett and Grand Moff Tarkin rolled into one.

6. The Fall (2006)

“Shoot, you animals. They'll pay you well for Darwin's hide.”

Stunning visuals and a neat storytelling structure made this one of the most enjoyable film experiences I had during the last decade. Beyond my earlier review, there’s not much to say about it; it’s a film that needs to be seen to be appreciated. It's about the power of storytelling and imagination!

The top five films are on the way. Expect both the expected and the unexpected.

The Best Films of the 2000s, Part One

In an effort to drag this out as long as possible, I've decided to split up the best films into three separate posts (15-11, 10-6, and 5-1). Also, I'm doing this because there's 15 films on this list and I don't want to post another wall of text that's too imposing to read. This is important. This is for all the marbles, all the tea in China, and the enduring affections of Imogen Poots.

Poooooooots.

Anyway, let's get to it, shall we?

Disclaimer: This list represents the films I liked the most during the last decade. There may be better films, you may not always agree with these choices, but, to quote The Dude, "that's just, like, your opinion, man." Your mileage may vary, some restrictions apply.

15. The Royal Tenenbaums (2001)

“I'm not talking about dance lessons. I'm talking about putting a brick through the other guy's windshield. I'm talking about taking it out and chopping it up.”

Rushmore was a quirky film, to be sure, but at least it sort of existed in the real world. The Royal Tenenbaums, on the other hand, was Wes Anderson’s first real attempt to create a film in its own little universe, just slightly outside of reality. The attention to detail in production and costume design is second to none, and anyway it’s tough to argue against a movie with Gene Hackman and Bill Murray, narrated by Alec Baldwin. We will see more of Wes Anderson on this list.


14. My Architect: A Son’s Journey (2003)

“How accidental our existences are, really, and how full of influence by circumstance.”

A remarkable documentary about one man’s search to understand his father through the enduring legacy of art. Louis Kahn was one of the 20th century’s great architects, and his son Nathaniel takes us to some of his greatest works and talks to people who knew him. It sounds kind of boring, probably, but Kahn’s buildings were never boring and neither is this story. Man On Wire is also a great documentary, but just missed making this list.


13. The Descent (2005)

“I'm an English teacher, not Tomb Raider.”

In my review of The Descent, I remarked that it is generally difficult to frighten me with film. Since then, little has changed. It’s notable, however, that despite the fact that I’ve seen The Descent enough times that it doesn’t give me the jump-scares like it used to, I can still watch it and it holds up as an entertaining story.


12. Shaun of the Dead (2004)

“How's that for a slice of fried gold?”

Shaun of the Dead is hilarious and anyone who disagrees is 100% retarded. Or they just don’t get British/geek/horror humor (or, in this case, humour). A great cast and a fantastic homage to George Romero.


11. In Bruges (2008)

“I don't hit women. I would never hit a woman, Chloe. I'd hit a woman who's trying to hit me with her bottle, that's different, that's self defense, isn't it? ...Or a woman who could do karate…I would never hit a woman generally.”

I originally had this higher, but I eventually decided that I can’t remember enough of it to reliably put it in my top 10. This is the film where I finally understood why Colin Farrell still gets work. Given the right material (and the script here is awesome), he knocks it out of the part. It probably doesn’t hurt to be playing against guys like Brendan Gleeson and Ralph Fiennes, either.

The list continues soon, probably.

Childhood

I'm going to take a brief moment away from the Best of the 2000s rundown here to present a photo that I recently discovered on the ol' interwebs.

People often ask me, "Hey Doc, what was your childhood like?" And I would reply with some long-winded, nostalgic nonsense. But now, I think (along with maybe that pic of the TNG guys wearing knit hats and a shot of Indiana Jones shooting that sword guy) this photo encapsulates my childhood fairly well. For better or worse.

Best of the 2000s, Part Five: Recognition for Individual Achievement

The Best of the 2000s never ends, it goes on and on and on and on...

Unlike Al Capone in the Costner/Connery/DeNiro classic The Untouchables, we're not here to recognize individual achievements with a baseball bat to the back of the head. We're just going to say a few words and let these people go along on their merry way because that's much nicer. I'd love to show clips of the work I am about to highlight, but YouTube is notorious for pulling movie clips all the time so I'll just urge you to seek this stuff out if it interests you. Or not, I don't care. I'm just winding out this blog to its inevitable conclusion, probably.

Anyways, here’s where we take a few moments to remember the great filmatic performances that some talented people made possible. Is it obvious how useless I think this is? And yet, IT MUST BE DONE. It is the way of things; the way of The Force.

Please note that films cited in parentheses represent a selection of that artist’s best work over the last decade and is not meant as an exhaustive list of everything they’ve been in (though it sometimes happens; "people be awesome").

And no, George, you and your stuff didn’t even make the list. In fact, you probably kept John Hurt, Ewan McGregor and the lovely Cate Blanchett off the list with your tired cinematic stylings. You and your pal Steve spent the last decade spinning your wheels and raping Indiana Jones over a pinball machine; you’ll get nothing and like it.

The Stanley Kubrick Trophy (Achievement in Directing)

Nominees:
Brad Anderson (Session 9/The Machinist/Transsiberian)
P.T. Anderson (Punch Drunk Love/There Will Be Blood)
Wes Anderson (The Royal Tennenbaums/The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou)
Joel & Ethan Coen (The Man Who Wasn’t There/No Country For Old Men)
Kerry Conran (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)
David Fincher (Zodiac)
Mel Gibson (Apocalypto)
Spike Jonze (Adaptation./Where The Wild Things Are)
David Lynch (Mulholland Drive/INLAND EMPIRE)
Christopher Nolan (Memento/Batman Begins/The Prestige/The Dark Knight)
Tarsem Singh (The Fall)
Quentin Tarantino (Inglourious Basterds)

Winner: Spike Jonze

Spike Jonze took Charlie Kaufman’s mobius strip of a script and somehow got Nicolas Cage to do a credible job in Adaptation., then spent the rest of the decade chasing the white whale that was Where The Wild Things Are. Let’s not forget that this is also the guy who directed the Sabotage video. I tried not to let that affect the voting, really I did, but seriously.

A word on some of the other nominees: In the 90s, Brad Anderson made some interesting romantic comedies. Changing genres, he spent the last decade turning himself into the closest thing we have to a modern-day Hitchcock, with films like Session 9, The Machinist (you remember, the “Christian Bale lost all that weight between Batman films” movie), and Transsiberian. We didn’t hear a whole lot from David Fincher, but Zodiac was another solid entry for his IMDb page. Benjamin Button? Eh. A veteran to the film world, Mel Gibson sure knows how to tell a story, and after subjecting millions to the sadistic filmed depiction of the death of Christ, decided to make Apocalypto and tell an exciting story with no English dialogue. What can I say, the man knows his way around a camera. And guys like P.T. Anderson, the Coen brothers, and David Lynch are just too awesome not to make the list. Really, any one of these directors could have won this, which shows what a great decade for films the 2000s was. Even with all those crappy Transformers and Fantastic Four movies.


The Martin Scorsese Mean Streets Award (Rookie Director of the Decade)

Nominees:
Nimród Antal (Kontroll)
Shane Carruth (Primer)
Kerry Conran (Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow)
Tony Gilroy (Michael Clayton)
Florian Henckel von Donnersmarck (Das Leben der Anderen [The Lives of Others])
Duncan Jones (Moon)
Richard Kelly (Donnie Darko)
Sarah Polley (Away From Her)

Winner: Sarah Polley & Duncan Jones (tie)

Canadian actress Sarah Polley tried her hand at directing with the absolutely brilliant and heartbreaking Away From Her, in a rookie-of-the-decade tie with Moon’s Duncan Jones. I've typed extensively about these films elsewhere, they are both awesome.

The Orson Welles Paul Masson Wine Award (Best Actor)

Nominees:
George Clooney (Good Night, and Good Luck/Syriana/The Good German/Michael Clayton/Burn After Reading/The Men Who Stare at Goats/Up In The Air)
Chiwetel Ejiofor (Dirty Pretty Things/Serenity/Inside Man/Children of Men/Redbelt)
Philip Seymour Hoffman (Almost Famous/25th Hour/Owning Mahowny/Mission Impossible III/Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead/The Savages/Charlie Wilson’s War/Synecdoche, New York)
Sam Rockwell (Confessions of a Dangerous Mind/Matchstick Men/Frost/Nixon/Moon)
Shane West (What We Do Is Secret)

Winner: Philip Seymour Hoffman

Philip Seymour Hoffman has been making a name for himself for a few years now, but nowhere was his talent more evident than in the brilliant but difficult Synecdoche, New York. But he should also get props for Along Came Polly; otherwise the term “shart” may never have entered the lexicon. Also, his turn in the much-overlooked Owning Mahowny was pretty great as well. Did I mention Synecdoche, New York?

On the other nominees: As much as I both perversely enjoyed and am trying to forget The League of Extraordinary Gentlemen, Shane West gets some love for his turn as Darby Crash in What We Do Is Secret. He made the role his own and took it so seriously he is now fronting the recently re-formed Germs. One of the decade’s breakout actors has been Chiwetel Ejiofor, and he’s never been better than in Stephen Frears’ Dirty Pretty Things. He was no slouch as The Operative in Serenity, either, or Redbelt, or…I’ll stop now. Suffice it to say, the man is solid. Sam Rockwell has been reliably bringing the quirk for a while now, but during the 2000s he’s really come into his own. Can you imagine anyone else as Sam Bell in Moon? Try it. It doesn’t work. More on Clooney below.


The Errol Flynn Iconoclast Award

Winner: George Clooney


It almost pains me to say it, but just as Tom Hanks is to Jimmy Stewart, George Clooney is the Cary Grant of his generation. What that says for his generation…I’ll let you come to your own conclusions. But there it is. The guy’s got skill, he can seriously direct (Good Night and Good Luck was amazing) and he uses his prestige to do whatever he wants (which tends to be interesting stuff). Look at his IMDb page; he hasn’t made a cash-grab piece of garbage in years (as long as you don’t count the Oceans films, which aren’t so much a cash grab as they are an excuse for a bunch of Hollywood people to have fun on a film set and you get to watch the results).

The Katherine Hepburn’s Pants Trophy (Best Actress)

Nominees:
Julie Christie (Away From Her)
Laura Dern (INLAND EMPIRE)
Tilda Swinton (The Deep End/Thumbsucker/Michael Clayton/The Limits of Control)
Catinca Untaru (The Fall)
Carice van Houten (Zwartboek [Black Book]/Valkyrie)
Naomi Watts (Mulholland Drive/ I ♥ Huckabees/Eastern Promises/Funny Games)

Winner: Naomi Watts

No one – NO ONE – in the business has a range of emotive expression that comes close to Naomi Watts. The audition scene from Mulholland Drive alone is the single greatest bit of acting I saw this decade. Plus, she almost made me believe in The Fakest King Kong Ever, and her performance in Haenke’s English-language Funny Games remake was just heartbreaking.

Regarding the remaining ladies: Just like it’s not easy to credibly act like a crazy person, it’s equally difficult to portray getting old and losing one’s mind without the performance turning into parody. Julie Christie’s portrayal of a woman with dementia in Away From Her was a career-defining performance, which is saying something when you’re talking about Julie Christie. Carice van Houten gets a lifetime pass for enduring a whole lot of (both literal and figurative) crap in Zwartboek [Black Book]. I’m not sure what it is about David Lynch that brings out amazing performances from actresses, but Laura Dern was absolutely robbed of an Oscar nod for her turn in INLAND EMPIRE. What’s left to say about Tilda Swinton at this point? I mean really. And whether it’s acting or not, mad props to Catinca Untaru in The Fall. I really feel badly about not including Cate Blanchett on this list, but then she agreed to fight in the French Invasion of Normandy-I Mean Dover in that recent Robin Hood movie, and the bad accent Steve made her use in that Indiana Jones corpse-picking disqualifies her from the running. And I feel bad all the same, because this is her award, I mean it's the Katherine Hepburn's Pants Trophy, you know? Oh well.

The Edward G. Robinson “Where’s Your Messiah Now” Trophy (Best Supporting Actor)

Nominees:
Willem Dafoe (Shadow of the Vampire/Auto Focus/Finding Nemo/The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou)
Eugene Hutz (Everything Is Illuminated)
Bill Nighy (State of Play/Love, Actually/Underworld/Shaun of the Dead/The Girl in the Café/The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy/The Constant Gardener/Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest/Flushed Away/Valkyrie)
Mark Wahlberg (I ♥ Huckabees/The Departed)
Christoph Waltz (Inglourious Basterds)
Tom Wilkinson (The Patriot/Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind/Batman Begins/Michael Clayton/John Adams/Recount/RocknRolla/Valkyrie)
Benedict Wong (State of Play/Dirty Pretty Things/Sunshine/Moon)

Winner: Bill Nighy & Tom Wilkinson (tie)


Since I first saw him in The Patriot, Tom Wilkinson has impressed me in every film, even when he had that terrible accent in Batman Begins. But he really outdid himself with his turn as off-his-meds lawyer Arthur Edens in Michael Clayton. (He was also really good as Ben Franklin in John Adams and James Baker in Recount for HBO.)
Not to be outdone is Bill Nighy, who made his first major mark in Richard Curtis’ romantic comedy Love, Actually as a washed-up former rock star then proceeded to vary his roles by showing up in those Underworld films, Shaun of the Dead, and as Slartibartfast in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. And yes, he was great as Davy Jones in the last two (otherwise terrible) Pirates of the Caribbean films, but for me his best work in the decade was in the TV films State of Play and The Girl in the Café. Brilliant actors. There was no way to choose between the two.

Notes on the other nominees: Few things in life have brought me more joy than Willem Dafoe as Klaus Daimler in The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou. I’m not even going to discuss it, there aren't words. Benedict Wong has been blipping on my character actor radar since I saw him in Dirty Pretty Things, and he’s been turning up in everything from the BBC’s State of Play to Danny Boyle’s Sunshine. Hopefully, we’ll see more of his work in the future. Eugene Hutz is not an actor. He is the frontman of gypsy-punk band Gogol Bordello. He is also the best thing (among many great things) about the film Everything Is Illuminated. And in between saying “Hi” to various animals and running from killer plants, Mark Wahlberg decided not kill his career by proving he has some skill. For every Shooter or Max Payne that the guy’s made, he’s got career-defining roles in The Departed and I ♥ Huckabees that will ensure no matter how much crap he makes, someone will give him a job and if the material is good enough, he'll knock it out of the park. Christoph Waltz almost walked away with this one on the strength of Hans Landa alone, but the overwhelming weight of Nighy and Wilkinson simply could not be denied.

The Obligatory But By No Means Unnecessary (also: Sponsorship Still Available) Best Supporting Actress Award

Nominees:
Maria Bello (Auto Focus/The Cooler/Silver City/A History of Violence/Thank You For Smoking)
Marion Cotillard (A Very Long Engagement/La Vie En Rose/Public Enemies)
Mélanie Laurent (Inglourious Basterds)
Imogen Poots (V For Vendetta/28 Weeks Later)
Amy Ryan (Gone Baby Gone/Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead/Changeling)

Winner: Amy Ryan

Aside from her work in all these great films, I would just like to say that her role as Holly Flax on The Office is probably the most inspired and ultimately heartbreaking televised work I’ve seen in a long time. Also, she was on The Wire, so she’s got that going for her. I know this is for films and not TV, but it's my blog and I'll bend the rules if I want to.

The other nominees: Before Marion Cotillard won an Oscar for playing Edith Piaf in La Vie En Rose, she was awesome as a vengeful femme fatale in A Very Long Engagement. Maria Bello turned in some fine performances, like in Thank You For Smoking, A History of Violence, and especially The Cooler, which is a film more people should know about. Mélanie Laurent…that one scene in the café with Hans Landa, the Jew Hunter was enough to put her on the list. I also liked Imogen Poots in 28 Weeks Later, but mostly because she’s real purty and her name is Imogen Poooooots.

She is hypnotizing me with her eyes!!!!

Next up, we chronicle the 15 best films of the decade that was (I told you it was a good decade for films), and then I decide whether or not this blog gets taken out back and shot or not.

Best of the 2000s Part...what is it? Four? Part Four: Filmic and Technical Awards

Here’s where we get to some of those awards that people might pay less attention to, but don’t fall into that trap because there’s some really great movies being mentioned all up in this piece, yo.

I’m going to get all specific on the first two (Best Foreign Film and Best Documentary), and be a bit more general on the rest, for your sake as much as for the bloody stumps that were once my fingers.

The François Truffaut Award - Best Foreign Film

Winner: Das Leben der Anderen [The Lives of Others] (Germany)
These were all amazing films and I highly recommend you search them out, but The Lives of Others was particularly moving, showing the effect constant surveillance by the Stasi had on the people of East Germany before the Wall came down. The last line of the film (only three small words - and they’re not “I love you”) is so simple and devastating and heartwarming and awesome all at once and it’s just the best thing.

Other Nominees:
Der Untergang [Downfall] (Germany)
Hitler YouTube memes aside, Bruno Ganz’s performance as the maniacal dictator we all love to hate is nothing short of brilliant, and this film’s look into the last days of the Reich from the accounts of people who were there (some of whom are still alive!) is a pretty awesome dramatization of historical facts.

Kontroll [Control] (Hungary)
We will speak of this film later…at some length, probably. Nimród Antal's debut film is SUPERAWESOME and just narrowly missed winning this category.

Le Scaphandre et le Papillon [The Diving Bell and the Butterfly] (France)
How Julian Schnabel managed to make an interesting film about a guy who has a stroke and is paralyzed and can only communicate by blinking is beyond me, but it’s a pretty cool film and not even boring at all, for serious!

Joyeux Noël [Merry Christmas] (France/Germany)
You don’t get Christmas truces anymore (mostly because the 20th century erased any trace of gentlemanliness from the earth). but this account of the day a bunch of German, French, and Scottish troops met on the battlefield of WWI and played football (aka soccer) and sang Christmas carols, then went back to their foxholes and realized they didn’t really want to kill the other guys anymore provides an interesting counterpoint to the current attitudes on war and OH I DUNNO MAYBE PEOPLE SHOULD STOP KILLING EACH OTHER ALL THE TIME

Schultze Gets the Blues (Germany)
This was a neat little movie about an old German accordion player who gets into zydeco. Really enjoyable. Again, better than it sounds.

Pyccкий ковчег [Russian Ark] (Russia)
There are supposedly no cuts in this film (there are actually two or three, but just try and find them), but the real draw of Russian Ark is the trip it takes through St. Petersburg’s Hermitage Museum, a former Russian palace. Different events though the palace’s history are reenacted, and oh goodness this sounds boring but it really is very very very cool, I assure you.


The Errol Morris Medal - Best Documentary

Winner: My Architect: A Son’s Journey (dir.: Nathaniel Kahn)
I’m not writing this up twice; you’ll see it listed again very very soon.

Other Nominees:
The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters (dir.: Seth Gordon)
Everyone likes an underdog story, and Steve Wiebe’s uphill climb to beat the record on Donkey Kong is an interesting and absorbing experience.

The Fog of War (dir.: Errol Morris)
Who is (or, was) Bob McNamara? Only a man with a front row seat (and, at times, a pivotal role) to some of the major historical events of the 20th century. Errol Morris interviews him in the usual Morris style (there’s a reason why the award is named after him, after all) and reveals a man with no regrets but some amazing stories. I mean, this guy was hand-picked by Kennedy, was the architect of the Vietnam war, did all kinds of crazy stuff. But don't listen to me, let him tell the story in his own movie.

Man On Wire (dir.: James Marsh)
Tightrope walking between the Twin Towers doesn’t seem like it would have been a sane thing to do, but this film turns the experience into what is almost a heist film.

In the Shadow of the Moon (dir.: David Sington/Christopher Riley)
I still can’t believe that humanity can go to the moon and then lose interest. IT’S THE MOON, GUYS.

In the Realms of the Unreal (dir.: Jessica Yu)
The amazing story of Henry Darger (and his…unique…stories) are brought to life through absorbing interviews and animations of Darger’s (crazy) artwork.


The Chuck Jones Trophy - Best Animated Film

Winner: Ratatouille
Other Nominees:
Final Fantasy: Advent Children Complete
The Incredibles
Flushed Away
Chicken Run
Renaissance
Wallace & Gromit: Curse of the Were-Rabbit

I’ve got to go with my gut on this one (har har). Advent Children has a lot to recommend it – especially characters rendered with such detail they at times look live action – but Ratatouille has that too, yet somehow the rat movie manages to have a coherent narrative with interesting characters, something the video game movie lacks. Aardman had a good decade, between Chicken Run and the Wallace & Gromit movie. I wasn’t quite as sold on the “stop-motion in CGI” of Flushed Away until I saw it; it proved to me that the story is more important than the media. Plus, water is too difficult to deal with in stop-motion, so I give it a pass. Great strides were made with motion-capture technology, and while stuff like Polar Express and Beowulf tried to climb their way out of the Uncanny Valley, the French released Renaissance, a (literally and near-completely) black & white mo-cap animated film noir that was very cool. But ultimately, Pixar without question ruled the decade.

Plinkett Presents The William Shakesman Cup – Best Screenplay
Winner: Charlie & Donald Kaufman – Adaptation.
Other Nominees:
Shane Carruth – Primer
Tony Gilroy – Michael Clayton
Rian Johnson – Brick
Martin McDonagh – In Bruges
Quentin Tarantino – Inglourious Basterds

The Kaufman brothers got an Oscar for this screenplay, but that’s not what makes it so great. What makes it great is that there are no Kaufman brothers; Charlie invented Donald for the film (both are played by Nicolas Cage in an actually decent performance). Is this the first time a fictional character has won an Oscar?

The others were good, too. Brick got the film noir patois down. Primer somehow managed to retain an internal logic. Michael Clayton was as tight a film as you’re going to find. Martin McDonagh out-Tarantinoed Tarantino with In Bruges, but then Tarantino out-Tarantinoed himself with Inglourious Basterds anyway so “the king stay the king” as D’Angelo Barksdale would say to Bodie on The Wire.


The Jordan Cronenweth Memorial Trophy - Best Cinematography

Winner: Colin Watkinson - The Fall
Other Nominees:
John Toll - Gone Baby Gone
Roger Deakins - No Country For Old Men
Roger Deakins - The Assasination of Jesse James By The Coward Robert Ford
Sergey Trofimov & Rogier Stoffers - Mongol
Benoît Delhomme - The Proposition


The Fall is a pretty awesome film, and most of it has to do with the visuals. Tarsem Singh is one of those visionary filmmakers you don’t often come across, and Colin Watkinson was the man responsible for making that vision hit the screen in all its brilliance. John Toll made Dorchester look beautiful in Gone Baby Gone, which is pretty much impossible unless you’re a master cinematographer. And once again, Roger Deakins pays the price for being too awesome and splits the vote. One day he’ll get his deserved recognition.


The Dennis Muren Award - Best Special Effects

Winner: Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow
Other Nominees:
Watchmen
Moon
Lord of the Rings

A lot of people did a lot of work to make Sky Captain look awesome, and no one cared. An absolute travesty. You all went and saw King Kong and raved about it, and the effects weren’t even finished. I hate you, casual filmgoers!

It wasn’t a great decade for effects, in my opinion. Waaaay too much CG, and too much of it on the cheap or for no good reason. Watchmen had an awesome opening sequence and some great work on transforming Billy Crudup into Captain Dongpiece McBlueguy. Moon used ACTUAL MODELS CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. And those Lord of the Rings movies were cool but kinda helped kickstart that aforementioned trend of kitchen sink CG (along with the conspicuously not-nominated-for anything Star Wars prequels). I’m nominating it anyway, though, for the scene in the Extended Edition of Return of the King when the Mouth of Sauron shows up. That guy was creepily awesome, and watch the making-of DVD feature on how they did the mouth effect to be completely grossed out.

Some Technical Awards:

Best Music
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Score by Mark Mothersbaugh
Songs by David Bowie, translated and performed by Seu Jorge

Best Costuming
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Milena Canonero

Best Production Design
The Life Aquatic With Steve Zissou
Mark Friedberg

Best Sound Design
Signs (did you think I was going to say The Life Aquatic? I was kind of on a roll there.)
Richard King, Sound Designer
Tod A. Maitland, Sound Mixer


Next up, individual achievements in the fields of acting and directing. And then finally, we’re at an end to this sorry undertaking with THE BEST FILMS OF THE 2000s.

Best of the 2000s, Part Three: The Ernest Borgnine Lifetime Achievement Award

So I got all burned out from the music awards, but I didn't mean to take a whole MONTH off! Sorry, dear reader(s?). Time marches on.

And now for the presentation of the Ernest Borgnine Lifetime Achievement Award. Named in honor of the undying Airwolf star, this award is given to the person who has made consistent contributions to popular media over the years, and continues to do so. Much like when Ernest Borgnine played Jonathan Silverman's doorman in that NBC sitcom The Single Guy back in the 90s.

That's what it was called, right? The Single Guy? I think I'm right.

Anyway, the recipient of this decade's Borgnine Award has been a fixture in the worlds of music and film for five decades now, and while he's slowed down in recent years he managed to spend the 2000s doing the following:

- judged a walk-off between two top male models in a little film called Zoolander
- released an awesome album (Heathen), then...ok, the second one (Reality) was less awesome
- went on a world tour
- had a heart attack that ended his tour prematurely, but he is ok
- released a DVD of his live show that was totes awesome you guys
- had a bunch of his songs translated into Portuguese and performed acoustically by Seu Jorge for the film The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
- headed the Guild of Calamitous Intent
- portrayed enigmatic inventor Nikola Tesla in Christopher Nolan's film The Prestige
- watched his son direct an awesome film, Moon
- and, oh yeah, THIS RIGHT HERE

Death By Pop is proud to present the Ernest Borgnine Lifetime Achievement Award to the man, the myth, the legend, the Thin White Duke, Jareth the Goblin King, Ziggy Stardust himself, Mr. David Bowie.

The Best of the 2000s, Part Two: Music

Crank up your speakers and pump up the jam (yo pump it), as Dr. Mo kicks it old school with the best musical stylings of the decade that was. Nothing’s more divisive than musical tastes, so readers will do well to remember that Your Mileage May Vary okay guys for serious

(Note: I'm not ranking music videos right now [maybe as a bonus column later?], but there are some particularly awesome videos here. Sorry about the blog cutting the picture off slightly, I can't figure out how to widen the template because I'm stupid. Anyway, it's about the songs - if you want to watch the video break it out into YouTube or whatever, I can't do everything for you.)

Best Songs
Listen, I'm not going to sit here and make Sophie's Choices and quantify everything with a number. These are the ten best songs of the decade in alphabetical order by artist, you'll deal with it somehow.

The Avalanches – “Frontier Psychiatrist”


Coldplay – “Clocks”
Parlophone's "Embedding disabled by request" baloney means you'll just have to do the work yourself and click here.

Death Cab For Cutie – “I Will Possess Your Heart”


Goldfrapp – “Strict Machine”


Guillemots – “Trains to Brazil”


Interpol – “Evil”


The Knife – “Heartbeats”


Muse – “Starlight”


stellastarr* – “My Coco”


Yeah Yeah Yeahs – “Maps”


Honorable Mention But I Couldn’t Find Any Demonstrable Links:
The Velvet Teen – “Around The Roller Rink”,
so here’s “Radiapathy” so I can at least get The Velvet Teen on here somewhere:
RIP Logan Whitehurst NEVER FORGET


Best Albums

Again, I’m not going to single any one album out as the best, but here are ten standouts from the last ten years. I could have put at least 20, but I would have run out of synonyms for “awesome”. As it is, this post is already running away from me here...


Beck – Guero (Interscope, 2005)
Beck wasn’t the iconoclastic force that he was in the 90s (maybe it was career burnout, or kids, or Scientology audits), but Guero was a really solid entry into his discography. The album was produced with the Dust Brothers, who earlier produced the 90s-hit-factory that was Odelay. More consistent than its follow-up album The Information, Guero was packed with single potential; “E-Pro” and “Girl” made the radio, but “Missing”, “Black Tambourine”, “Scarecrow”, “Go It Alone” and “Rental Car” are also standout tracks.

"Girl"



David Bowie – Heathen (ISO/Columbia, 2002)
Bowie has always been one for constant change. From Ziggy Stardust to the Thin White Duke to Nathan Adler and beyond, and through dalliances with every imaginable style of music in between, is it possible to know, at least musically, who the real David Bowie is? Heathen finds an older, wiser Bowie in a post-9/11 world (as much as I hate to bring 9/11 up [I even hate the term “9/11”], the album seems a clear response to those events whether intended or not), churning out quality music that sounds remarkably mature and a style all his own - more than just a blend of every passing fancy that came before. Covers of “Cactus” by Pixies, “I’ve Been Waiting For You” by Neil Young, and “I Took A Trip on a Gemini Spaceship” by the Legendary Stardust Cowboy are slight - though excellent - diversions, but the core of the album is introspective and awesome, like "Slip Away". This is not to say the album doesn’t rock, as “Slow Burn” and “Afraid” can attest.

“Slip Away" (live)


“Afraid” (live on Late Night with Conan O’Brien - the special 2003 claymation episode!)



Clinic – Walking With Thee (Domino, 2002)
Sometimes a song sticks in your head long after you’ve heard it. I throw some Clinic on the radio every now and then, and for weeks after I’ll have their songs stuck in my head at random times. Invariably, the song in question will be one from Walking With Thee – specifically “The Equaliser”, “Mr Moonlight”, “Come Into Our Room”, and probably the worst offender, “For The Wars”. Well, by worst I just mean 'stuck in my head the most often.' Clinic has had a great output before and since, but Walking With Thee is a really special album.

“Walking With Thee”


“Come Into Our Room”



The Decemberists – The Hazards of Love (Capitol/Rough Trade, 2009)
I go to some shows. I mean, I don’t live at the clubs or anything, but I’d say in an average year I’ll get to about 10 – 15 shows. Now, it must be understood that I had never listened to the Decemberists before, and only went to see them because some friends invited me. The Decemberists performed The Hazards of Love in its entirety at this particular show, and it is my sincerest hope that they recorded at least one of these shows for posterity and DVD/Bluray, because it was quite possibly the most amazing live music experience I’ve had in at least 15 years. The album itself is almost as good as the live performance (in itself a rarity; how often is a band better live than recorded?), and as concept albums go, it’s pretty solid. Also, I can't write about this album without mentioning the contributions of guest vocalist Shara Worden (of My Brightest Diamond) who, as the Queen of the Forest, just tears it up. If you don't believe me, check out the last two clips below.

"The Rake's Song" (live)


"The Wanting Comes In Waves/Repaid" (live)


BONUS: The Decemberists cover Heart’s “Crazy On You” (live)



Interpol – Antics (Matador, 2004)
How am I supposed to choose between Antics and Our Love To Admire? Who can make that choice? Ultimately, I have to go with Antics, due to the Killer/Filler ratio. There is a stretch on this album between “Slow Hands” and “Length of Love” which are all essential songs in my music collection. Not to mention “Evil”, one of the best songs Interpol has ever done, with quite possibly one of the awesomest music videos ever made (see above).

“Slow Hands”


"C'mere"



The Killers – Hot Fuss (Island, 2004)
Did you ever have an album that has, for you, transcended what an album should be and has instead become a soundtrack – no, a chronicle - of a particular time in your life? This is Hot Fuss and 2004 – 2006. After that, it was all "Shaka When The Walls Fell" for me, but for one brief, shining moment life was as triumphant and bombastic as this slice of leftover 80s synthesizer magic.

“Mr. Brightside”


"Smile Like You Mean It"



Muse – Black Holes and Revelations (Warner Bros., 2006)
More difficult choices. I was very tempted to include Absolution on this list, but instead I went with Black Holes and Revelations. While it’s true that Absolution has “Hysteria”, “Time Is Running Out”, “Stockholm Syndrome”, and personal favorite “Butterflies and Hurricanes”, I give Black Holes the edge because the tone is less bleak and more triumphant. “Starlight”, “Invincible”, and “Map of the Problematique” are great songs with really neat videos, but that prize really goes to “Knights of Cydonia”. An epic Spaghetti western rock opera with a music video that throws in every possible reference to anything it can, “Knights of Cydonia” closes the album by raising it to a whole other level.



“Invincible”



The Postal Service – Give Up (Sub Pop, 2003)
Sure, most of the album makes you want to slit your wrists, but the level of perfection in synthpop on Give Up is at an alarming high. Jimmy Tamborello’s work with Dntel and Figurine, tempered by the indie rock sensibilities and vocals of Death Cab’s Ben Gibbard? With Jenny Lewis contributing vocals? There’s no better way to embrace sweet, sweet death.

“Such Great Heights”


“The District Sleeps Alone Tonight”



Radiohead – In Rainbows (Self-released/TBD, 2007)
It’s easy to take Radiohead for granted. They’ve been making really great albums since The Bends, and when a band’s low point is, I dunno, Kid A? Amnesiac, maybe? they’ve had what can only be described as an enviable career. In Rainbows ended a four-year break for Thom Yorke & Co., and they let loose with an album full of awesome. Well, it’s pretty gentle much of the time, but sometimes it lets loose a bit, like on “Bodysnatchers”.



“Reckoner”



Sparta – Wiretap Scars (Geffen/DreamWorks, 2002)
On their first album, Sparta certainly seemed like they got the best of the At The Drive-In split (unless you really really like the drug-addled haze of The Mars Volta, which I must admit is not without its charms). Somewhere after this album, though, the band started to peter out and I don’t really know what happened to them. Wiretap Scars rocks pretty hard, though. Note that these clips are just audio. The “Cut Your Ribbon” video is kinda terrible, so I chose not to include it here and “Glasshouse Tarot” doesn’t even have a video, even though it’s awesome.

“Cut Your Ribbon”


“Glasshouse Tarot”


The "In The Mood" Award (Song of the Decade)
The Killers – Somebody Told Me

There are best songs, and then there is the Song of the Decade. A track which encapsulates the decade in every way and transcends the very idea of "Best Song". It is beyond Best. It is simply the Song of the Decade, and who are we to argue? It is enough for us lowly humans to warm ourselves by its fire. As for the song itself, I'd rather not discuss it.

The Tony Orlando One-Hit Wonder of the Decade Award
Franz Ferdinand – Take Me Out

Okay, so they technically charted more than once, but so did Gary Numan, and everyone ignores the rest of his catalog, too. "Take Me Out" was a monster hit, and there was no way Franz Ferdinand could top it. It's not their fault.

The Zeitgeist Award
Lady Gaga

Lady Gaga is pretty awesome, guys. You may wonder why I say this when most of my selections on this list are outside the pop music realm. Well, that's because pop music sucks in general, but it's ok because we've got people like Lady Gaga working on it. Sure, she's weird, but would you rather have pop stars just doing the usual? Lady Gaga is doing something different than those bland old Pussycat Dolls, Ke$ha and the rest (though Beyoncé is apparently getting some on-the-job training), and this should be looked upon favorably. Plus, she took Kermit to the VMAs, so she gets a lifetime pass from me just for that.

Stay tuned for Part Three, in which we present the Ernest Borgnine Lifetime Achievement Award to a very deserving individual (not Justin Bieber, guys), after which we'll start on the movie-type stuff, since that is somewhat the main focus of the blog, generally speaking. See, you guys thought I've been slacking, but now you're seeing how long it took to prepare all this madness!